There's this thing that I do that may or may not annoy everyone around me. I don't know.
I like to question everything.
My husband knows better than anyone else I often have the question, "But why?" on my lips?
Maybe that's why I got my degree in journalism or why I was so attracted to writing controversial articles for my high school newspaper.
Maybe that's also why I like to double check things such as a mechanics quote or a price at the grocery store I just don't think looks right.
It's also why I have become one of those parents that reads as much as I can about how to be a good parent.
I decided early on I wasn't just going to take my pediatricians word for it.
I was upset about the way the hospital treated Afton's birth.
I went into having Afton definitely not wanting to get induced and not wanting an epidural and ended up with both because my mid-wife told me I was in labor when I really wasn't. So I ended up being at the hospital in what I like to call a fake-Pitocin-induced labor for a long long time. Thus the epidural.
For some reason I picked this time to NOT question everything like I usually do. I'm thinking maybe it was because I was majorly stressed due to having a baby and dealing with contractions but who knows?
I didn't ask why they insisted I start a line of Pitocin even though I was barely dilated to a 3-4 and was NOT having regular contraction.
I didn't ask why they kept running the Pitocin after 12+ hours of barely-there contractions instead of just sending me home until I was actually in labor.
And by the time they decided to break my water, I definitely didn't think to ask why.
Then when I was actually in labor and having actual contractions I DID ask for an epidural because I was too tired to raise my hand let alone push a baby out (sorry for being blunt).
Obviously I knew everything wouldn't go exactly the way I wanted to and I am not ashamed in any way for having an epidural or for being induced. It happened the way it happened and I was given a beautiful baby girl.
I guess what I am trying to say is I will know next time to question EVERYTHING.
I will not be induced.
No Pitocin.
I will go to the hospital because I am having contractions and my BODY is telling me it is time, not my doctor.
And hopefully, I will be strong enough to do it without an epidural next time.
I know it sounds crazy but I want to be as clear as I can (in the head that is) to greet my next baby.
But why the rant you ask?
I guess I am just getting a little tired of everyone telling me HOW to raise MY child.
It seems like there is "The Way" to do everything from putting them to sleep to feeding them.
I went into parenting thinking:
1. Co-Sleeping was horribly wrong
2. Do NOT rock your baby to sleep. That is just a bad idea. They NEED to fall asleep on their own.
3. Try to breast feed but it's ok if it's too hard- there is always formula.
4. Rice Cereal is a must for the first solid food.
Let me address each one of these ideas and why I have a problem with them.
1. I never thought I would want to co-sleep. I value my sleep more than anything else and was scared to death of rolling over on Afton because I am such a heavy sleeper. But my views have changed A LOT. While I didn't co-sleep with Afton and don't plan on starting now I don't see it as such a bad idea with a newborn.
Think about it... instead of rousing myself from sleep 4-5 times a night to feed simply feed her in bed as often as she needs and nod back to sleep when she is done.
More sleep for me, less trauma and stress for her.
And turns out I am a lighter sleeper than I thought. In the last few weeks Afton has been waking up in the night occasionally and I bring her back to bed with me to nurse her laying down. I often fall back asleep before she is done and wake up hours later to return her to her crib. My body was aware of her every second and would never have let me roll on her.
2. I cannot tell you how many people I have had tell me that I should not rock Afton to sleep.
We tried letting her cry it out even at 8 weeks old like babywise tells you to. It didn't work. She would cry so hard and long until I was nearly in tears and Chad was so worried. We gave up on that. Then we figured we would try it as she got older. Nope. Still cries for an hour and a half if we let her. I will check on her every 10-15 minutes and comfort her and then she will scream her head off as soon as it hits the blanket. So we gave up again.
I just can't see her upset like that.
And I enjoy rocking her. It's the one time in my day when I get to look at her and listen to hear breathe. Even now when she won't let anyone but me put her to sleep I still enjoy it. So why does my pediatrician look at me like I'm a monster and tell me I MUST let her fall asleep on her own when he finds out she won't go to sleep unless I rock her. WHY? Why is this such a bad thing? Please someone give me some concrete facts and then. maybe just then will i believe it.
3. The first few months of Afton's life were hard. Really really hard. The hardest months I've ever been to. Obviously breast-feeding hurt. I envy the women that it doesn't hurt for. They are really lucky. To be honest I almost gave up after the first week. I was terrified Afton wasn't getting enough to eat and was fed up with having to pump in the hospital when Afton had jaundice. That was a MAJOR setback for me and Afton.
And it seems like I was getting more nurses telling me just to try than actual advice.
I finally had a lactation specialist that actually helped me get over the major hurdle that is breast feeding and that made all the difference.
I am so glad that I stuck to it because it has been one of the best experiences of my life so far.
4. This last one was the tip of the iceberg for me. I bought a box of processed rice cereal for Afton's first solid food. She HATED it. She refused to eat it. Plus it made her constipated for a week or more. So I stopped giving it to her and tried light easily digested melons after some research on what the best first food was. I dug a little deeper than what the mainstream doctors and sources would have us believe.
Withing a week of stopping Rice Cereal Afton wasn't constipated, in fact she was having healthy bowl movements and was much happier.
I still can't quite figure out why rice cereal seems to be the first choice baby food but it definitely didn't work for Afton.
So... now that I have ranted and raved for paragraphs and paragraphs it all comes down to this: I DO NOT believe there is a certain way to be a good parent. I DO believe that we have parent's intuition and we should rely on that and on prayer.
We should do what feels right for us and our baby.
And Please don't let anyone tell you you are doing something wrong when you don't believe you are.
I know that I am raising Afton the best way that I know possible.
I know that I love her and want whats best for her, even if that includes rocking her to sleep until she's 20 years old and never giving her another bowl of rice cereal in her life!
I like to question everything.
My husband knows better than anyone else I often have the question, "But why?" on my lips?
Maybe that's why I got my degree in journalism or why I was so attracted to writing controversial articles for my high school newspaper.
Maybe that's also why I like to double check things such as a mechanics quote or a price at the grocery store I just don't think looks right.
It's also why I have become one of those parents that reads as much as I can about how to be a good parent.
I decided early on I wasn't just going to take my pediatricians word for it.
I was upset about the way the hospital treated Afton's birth.
I went into having Afton definitely not wanting to get induced and not wanting an epidural and ended up with both because my mid-wife told me I was in labor when I really wasn't. So I ended up being at the hospital in what I like to call a fake-Pitocin-induced labor for a long long time. Thus the epidural.
For some reason I picked this time to NOT question everything like I usually do. I'm thinking maybe it was because I was majorly stressed due to having a baby and dealing with contractions but who knows?
I didn't ask why they insisted I start a line of Pitocin even though I was barely dilated to a 3-4 and was NOT having regular contraction.
I didn't ask why they kept running the Pitocin after 12+ hours of barely-there contractions instead of just sending me home until I was actually in labor.
And by the time they decided to break my water, I definitely didn't think to ask why.
Then when I was actually in labor and having actual contractions I DID ask for an epidural because I was too tired to raise my hand let alone push a baby out (sorry for being blunt).
Obviously I knew everything wouldn't go exactly the way I wanted to and I am not ashamed in any way for having an epidural or for being induced. It happened the way it happened and I was given a beautiful baby girl.
I guess what I am trying to say is I will know next time to question EVERYTHING.
I will not be induced.
No Pitocin.
I will go to the hospital because I am having contractions and my BODY is telling me it is time, not my doctor.
And hopefully, I will be strong enough to do it without an epidural next time.
I know it sounds crazy but I want to be as clear as I can (in the head that is) to greet my next baby.
But why the rant you ask?
I guess I am just getting a little tired of everyone telling me HOW to raise MY child.
It seems like there is "The Way" to do everything from putting them to sleep to feeding them.
I went into parenting thinking:
1. Co-Sleeping was horribly wrong
2. Do NOT rock your baby to sleep. That is just a bad idea. They NEED to fall asleep on their own.
3. Try to breast feed but it's ok if it's too hard- there is always formula.
4. Rice Cereal is a must for the first solid food.
Let me address each one of these ideas and why I have a problem with them.
1. I never thought I would want to co-sleep. I value my sleep more than anything else and was scared to death of rolling over on Afton because I am such a heavy sleeper. But my views have changed A LOT. While I didn't co-sleep with Afton and don't plan on starting now I don't see it as such a bad idea with a newborn.
Think about it... instead of rousing myself from sleep 4-5 times a night to feed simply feed her in bed as often as she needs and nod back to sleep when she is done.
More sleep for me, less trauma and stress for her.
And turns out I am a lighter sleeper than I thought. In the last few weeks Afton has been waking up in the night occasionally and I bring her back to bed with me to nurse her laying down. I often fall back asleep before she is done and wake up hours later to return her to her crib. My body was aware of her every second and would never have let me roll on her.
2. I cannot tell you how many people I have had tell me that I should not rock Afton to sleep.
We tried letting her cry it out even at 8 weeks old like babywise tells you to. It didn't work. She would cry so hard and long until I was nearly in tears and Chad was so worried. We gave up on that. Then we figured we would try it as she got older. Nope. Still cries for an hour and a half if we let her. I will check on her every 10-15 minutes and comfort her and then she will scream her head off as soon as it hits the blanket. So we gave up again.
I just can't see her upset like that.
And I enjoy rocking her. It's the one time in my day when I get to look at her and listen to hear breathe. Even now when she won't let anyone but me put her to sleep I still enjoy it. So why does my pediatrician look at me like I'm a monster and tell me I MUST let her fall asleep on her own when he finds out she won't go to sleep unless I rock her. WHY? Why is this such a bad thing? Please someone give me some concrete facts and then. maybe just then will i believe it.
3. The first few months of Afton's life were hard. Really really hard. The hardest months I've ever been to. Obviously breast-feeding hurt. I envy the women that it doesn't hurt for. They are really lucky. To be honest I almost gave up after the first week. I was terrified Afton wasn't getting enough to eat and was fed up with having to pump in the hospital when Afton had jaundice. That was a MAJOR setback for me and Afton.
And it seems like I was getting more nurses telling me just to try than actual advice.
I finally had a lactation specialist that actually helped me get over the major hurdle that is breast feeding and that made all the difference.
I am so glad that I stuck to it because it has been one of the best experiences of my life so far.
4. This last one was the tip of the iceberg for me. I bought a box of processed rice cereal for Afton's first solid food. She HATED it. She refused to eat it. Plus it made her constipated for a week or more. So I stopped giving it to her and tried light easily digested melons after some research on what the best first food was. I dug a little deeper than what the mainstream doctors and sources would have us believe.
Withing a week of stopping Rice Cereal Afton wasn't constipated, in fact she was having healthy bowl movements and was much happier.
I still can't quite figure out why rice cereal seems to be the first choice baby food but it definitely didn't work for Afton.
So... now that I have ranted and raved for paragraphs and paragraphs it all comes down to this: I DO NOT believe there is a certain way to be a good parent. I DO believe that we have parent's intuition and we should rely on that and on prayer.
We should do what feels right for us and our baby.
And Please don't let anyone tell you you are doing something wrong when you don't believe you are.
I know that I am raising Afton the best way that I know possible.
I know that I love her and want whats best for her, even if that includes rocking her to sleep until she's 20 years old and never giving her another bowl of rice cereal in her life!
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