Adventures in Costco-land

I pretty much have not been able to focus my eyes in like 3 hours.

I seriously haven't been able to see, read or look at ANYTHING within a foot of my eyes since 6:30 pm when the Devil Dr. (we shall call him) decided to dilate my pupils.

It's been fun. Like Disneyland fun...

I love it when any light I look at has a two foot halo/ring growing out of it.

I especially love it when I am trying to eat my delicious double double from In-N-Out and I can't even see the dang thing!

Even better, I love it when I am wandering through Costco getting lost because I really can't focus my eyes and the blinding lights are giving me a head ache. I had to ask Chad what was down every ile. No joke.

This is how it started...

Man, I thought to myself, I really need to get my eyes checked. I just can't see very good. So I dialed up good ol' Costco and made an appointment to see Dr. Devil. I was hoping to walk out of my appointment with a brand spanken new perscription, a new pair of contacts and maybe a smile. But not so, not so.

So I'm sitting in the chair saying 1 is better than 2. 4 is definitely better than 5. 6 and 7 are pretty much the same. Oh 8, yeah 8 is good...115 is a little tiny bit better than 116. (Ok, I think you get the picture and I am getting a little sidtracked. If you don't know what I am talking about it is because you have perfect 20/20 vision, in which case I hate you and I would ask that you stop reading my blog). So I finish with the numbers and I think I am done.

Well Dr. Devil has other ideas he does. Have you had your eyes dilated lately? he asks me. Um, yeah about 6 months ago, so I wasn't planning on doing it today, I reply. (Turns out I really didn't know what dilating my pupils meant, I just thought I did. I have definitely never had it done before. At least not when I was conscious.) Ohhh you really should do it every visit, he says, especially with your perscription. (Meaning you have terrible vision. Just say it Dr. Devil. Don't sugar coat please.) Uh ok I guess I should do it then.

He then continues to put two sets of eye drops in each eye. Man, I think to myself, he is really good at holding my eyes open just the right way to get the eye drops in. (My theory now is that Dr. Devil likes torturing people and so he has developed very thorough tactics such as the right way to hold the eye open to get the most eye drops in so your pupils get extra dilated.)

Now we wait, he says.

Then I waited 1o minutes and he looks at my eyes... and guess what?...they weren't dilated enough. Back to the chair for more eye drops. 5 minutes later...they are dilated...we can now begin.

At this point I don't have my contacts in so I can pretty much see nothing. Just blobs and shapes. Maybe the occasional blur. (Maybe I should mention that I am blind without my contacts.)

So my pupils are dilated. Then Dr. Devil shines the most horrendous light in my eyes and I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my head. Luckily they didn't. Look up, look down, look to the left...look to the upper right....look to the lower left and right a little.

Well everything looks good, says Dr. Devil.

Whew, I think, no retinal detachments. Thanks Dr. Devil.

Then I put my contacts back on, pay Dr. Devil for the pupil dilation and we are on our way. I decided to peruse the costco coupons on our way to do a little shopping. Why the heck can't I focus? Why can't I read? Why are those lights so bright and why do they have halos? This is me panicking.

I swear I could hear Dr. Devil laughing in his office...I swear I heard him say, man that girl never saw it coming. I can't believe she fell for the whole dilating thing...poor girl. I love my job.

Good News: my retina's are still in tact and show no signs of detaching.

Other good news: We bought some Special K Red Berries and Cheese from Costco.

Bad News: I just paid Dr. Devil at Costco $20 to torture me and then send me on my way to actually see worse than when I came in.

Even Worse News: My perscription is so bad that they don't even have any contacts in the office for me so I have to wait 2 weeks to get a new pair of contacts while they order them.

Even worse, really worse News: I have to go back in 2 weeks when they get my contacts in and see Dr. Devil again so he can fit my contacts and make sure they work.

Great...I'm so excited. I just hope he doesn't brain wash me and convince me I need to dilate my pupils again.

Who knew dilating your pupils could be so fun?

I can't wait to do it again someday...