9 Years

I'm trying to wrap my head around 9 years of marriage with Chad. I started looking through pictures to find one for each year to make a special Anniversary post but of course my nostalgia got the best of me and I've spent way to much time looking through pictures and saving my favorites. So what was supposed to be simple has now turned into a blog post. But the past 9 years have been so wonderful that they deserve something really special. So if you will humor me with a look into our past:

Year 1: 2007- Dating and marriage

Our first year was a whirlwind. We met in our singles ward in Modesto, CA and 2 months later were engaged and 2 months after that were sealed in the Oakland temple for time and all eternity. We moved to Provo right after we were married so I could continue at BYU but then moved up to Salt Lake and I transferred to the University of Utah and Chad started school at Salt Lake Community College. We loved our first few months in Utah together.

Our first photo together.

Our first concert: The Fray.

Chad's family reunion.

Driving to Utah to pick out a ring.

Engagement Photos.

Honeymoon in Hawaii.

2nd Apartment in Salt Lake

1st Christmas Card.

Year 2: 2008- 2nd year in Utah

We were in Utah for this whole year of our marriage. We both worked and went to school and got to know each other better. We moved to a new apartment where we lived the remainder of our stay in Utah. It was small but we loved it so much because it was ours. We had too many jobs to count between the two of us while trying to figure out what we wanted to do and also find jobs that fit with our busy school schedules. We traveled that year back to Modesto to visit our family and also to Idaho twice to visit family there as well. But we spent our second Christmas in Utah and it was the only Christmas since we've been married that we spent by ourselves. It was quaint and special, not a huge deal. Just a small tree, a few gifts and a quiet Christmas at home.

Ringing in the New Year.

Shoshone Falls in Idaho.

Boating when we came home to Modesto to visit.

Our little apartment and in the background is the fish tank Chad built.

Idaho for Thanksgiving.

Decorating our first Christmas Tree.

Christmas Morning.

Visiting Temple Square the day after Christmas.

Year 3: 2009- Utah/California

2009 was spent working and going to school through August. Chad worked for Anderson Engineering as a Land Surveyor and I worked for the Church in the call center for church distribution. We loved our time in Utah but by the summer of this year, both of us were itching to move back to California. So we decided I was almost done with school and I could finish my last class or two online and we decided to move back a little early. We busily spent our summer saying goodbye to our friends and family in Utah. Then in August, my wonderful dad drove all the way to Utah to help us move back to CA. We lived with Chad's parents for a month or two and then found our own apartment and settled in to life in Modesto. Chad worked for his dad for a few months, then a pool company for the reminder of the year. I worked for my Uncle Dave at Duct Testers.

Spring 2009- we spent as much time as we could with my Sister Nichole and brother-in-law Chase at their house in Lehi.

Spending time with Chad's cousins who lived in Utah.

Camping with Chad's cousins- the Terry's.

Fourth of July at Sugarhouse Park.

The Fray Concert (our 2nd) with Nichole and Chase.

Hot August Night's with my dad on our drive back to CA.

When we lived with Chad's parents after we moved back to CA with our first dog Oliver. We bought him just before we moved back.

Our first apartment in Modesto.

At Chad's brother's football game.

Snowmobiling at my Dad's cabin.

At the temple where it all started.

Year 4: 2010- Graduating College and our first baby

This year was spent figuring out what we wanted to do with our lives! There was a lot of transitions and growth and major changes. Chad worked for Cal Pro Pools as a pool technician this whole year and I worked at Duct Tusters until August and then started working for Honey's Air Conditioning the remainder of the year. We lived in the Marina Apartments this whole year. I graduated from College and the weekend we drove to Utah for me to graduate we found out we were pregnant with Afton! We met some dear friends in 8th ward and started to love living in Modesto. We spent much time at the cabin, made trips to the temple often and took a baby moon to Monterey. And in December, our lives were forever changed when we welcomed our first born, sweet Afton into the world. After this year, the pictures of just Chad and I drastically decrease! haha

At our Marina Apartment.

My graduation from the U of U and my first pregnant picture (we didn't know until a few days later.)

At the cabin.

At the temple.

In Monterey on our babymoon.

At the pumpkin patch with the Lee's. Our friends from 8th ward and our neighbors at the Marina Apartments.

I thought I was so clever with this costume.

Afton made her debut 3 weeks early on December 9th, 2010.

So happy to have our baby!

Year 5: 2011- We have no idea what we are doing but life is great!

This was one of our harder years. We had many sweet moments with Afton, such as her blessing day but there were also a lot of tough times too. As we try and juggle learning how to be parent's, the pool company Chad worked for went out of business and I wasn't working. We moved in with Chad's parents in March and shortly after, Chad started working for my dad. We didn't get our own place again until September. But none the less we still enjoyed living so close to our family and Afton was shamelessly spoiled by her grandparents and aunts and uncles. That summer we traveled to Utah and Idaho and spent time with my sister and Chad's family at his family reunion. We spent many weekends at the cabin and quite a bit of time in Monterey too. And before we knew it, our little Afton turned one.

February- Afton's blessing day. In our Marina Apartment. We moved in with Chad's parent's shortly after this.

Afton's first trip to the cabin.

Afton's first trip to Monterey.

Another cabin trip.

A day trip to San Francisco. Man we traveled a lot when we only had 1 kid!

Spending time with my friend Kelly from high school and her husband Alex. We enjoyed living so close to them and spending time together.

Trip to Utah. Spending the night up the canyon with Nichole and Chase.

Riding one of Grandma Bringhursts' motorcycles at the Bringhurst reunion in Rupert, ID.

Monterey with Chad's family.

Another Monterey trip with Chad's mission companion, Mark and his family who just happened to be in 6th ward with us. Small world!

Jake's football game. We are happy to have our own place again! A small little townhouse just off McHenry on Mensinger Ave.

Afton's first Birthday party!

Year 6: 2012- A year of drastic changes

We spent the first few months of 2012 enjoying our privacy in our own home again. Chad worked for my dad and I worked for Honey's Air. I drove around to different cities to pick up permits for them and got to bring Afton with me. It was the perfect job and Afton became quite the little traveler. We prayed a lot and decided we needed to move and make some big changes. Chad was still figuring out what he wanted to do for a living and he decided to go back to school for Land Surveying. He loved it so much when he did in Utah. The nearest program was at Santa Rosa community college two and half hours north of Modesto. So we took a huge leap of faith and moved to Santa Rosa. Faith is what got us through that move and those first few hard months in Santa Rosa. But we knew we had made the right decision despite some hard times.

Our last month in Modesto. Playing at the park.

At Bodega Bay when we were house hunting and getting ready to move to Santa Rosa.

At the bay area children's museum with our good friend's the Lee's who just happened to move to Santa Rosa before we did.

Back to Modesto for a quick visit for my brother Cody's wedding.

Muir Woods. Still one of my favorite places we visited our first year in Santa Rosa.

Our first apartment in Santa Rosa was a total dump but all we could afford. But we loved our life none the less and we had a cute little balcony where Afton loved to play.

A beautiful running path by our house. This is where I fell I love with running.

One of our many day trips to Bodega Bay.

Our first Halloween in Santa Rosa at the Brush Creek Ward Trunk or Treat. We were Zoo Keepers.

Christmas back in Modesto.

Year 7: 2013- Falling in love with Santa Rosa and yet more changes

We got to know our beloved Santa Rosa this year. We made many friends and had so many changes to our little family. We found out we were expecting again early in the year and adjusted to the thought of being a family of four. Chad continued school and changed jobs a few times to accommodate his school schedule. I worked from home. We had to put down our dog Oliver when we found out he was sick. We moved into a much nicer townhouse. We welcomed Hayden into our family in October.

Exploring Santa Rosa.

Another Muir Woods trip.

Bodega Bay.

Visiting a high school friend in the bay area.

Temple date. We always get in as many as we can while I'm pregnant, because they are usually few and far between with a nursing newborn.

Idaho- Bringhurst Family Reunion.

This is still one of my favorite family pictures!

Samuel's blessing day. We are a family of four!


Ending our year with Christmas in Modesto.


Year 8: 2014- Slow and steady wins the race
I feel like the above theme for us in 2014 fits perfectly. This year was about learning patience, long suffering and we truly relied on each other to get through it. Chad realized that the land surveying program he was in wasn't where he was supposed to be and we both attempted to adjust our perspectives. But a new opportunity came into our lives that has forever changed us and sent Chad on his path to finding his life long career. It was a long, grueling time to get his license to sell life insurance but it was so sweet to see him accomplish something so significant. I went back to working at home when Hayden was only a few months old and Afton started preschool. We were always busy and tired and life never seemed to slow down. But we had do many wonderful moments and growth opportunities. We really loved Santa Rosa and had already begun to cultivate so many wonderful friendships. We did plenty of traveling to spend time with our families as usual!

In our backyard of our townhouse on Primavera Way in Rincoln Valley.

After a bike ride.


Afton's first Disneyland trip. Hayden's too but he rode in the stroller the whole time so I'm not really counting it.


Our first beach house trip at Chad's Aunt's beach house in Aptos.

A family picture after church one Sunday.


A day trip to San Fran.


Bike riding on a trail in Marin County.


A day date running on the beach in Monterey while visiting Chad's sister.


Monterey Wharf.


Monterey.


Our favorite date spot: Oakland Temple


Another Sunday, another post church family picture.


Spending time with my Dad when he visited us. No one told me I had raccoon eyes all day!


Thanksgiving in Modesto.


Our announcement photo: We are expecting our third!


Year 9: 2015-2016- Almost a decade
The last year and a half have in some ways been the hardest and most trying of our marriage but also my favorite. We enjoyed the first half of the year as a family of four. Chad thrived in his new career path and loved what he was doing. I worked from home for what would be my last few months until Samuel arrived. We said goodbye to our beloved townhouse and the only ward we had ever been in, Brush Creek and moved all the way across town to the very northern part of Santa Rosa just 8 weeks before Samuel arrived. We adjusted to a new house, a new ward and new neighbors all while unpacking and setting up our new home and getting ready for Sam. It was a hot summer without AC! Welcoming Samuel was one of the sweetest moments our family has had but also took some serious adjustment from all of us. And just after Samuel was born Chad changed jobs! Although this time he only switched companies and not career paths. He started working for Teacher Pension and Insurances Services and has loved it so much. We spent the summer of 2016 traveling all over! We went to the cabin, Utah and Idaho and spent another week at the beloved Aptos beach house. 2016 isn't over but it's been my favorite year with Chad yet. I can honestly say I've never been happier! 



At a New York Life banquet.

Temple Trip.


Armstrong Woods.


Somewhere on the Russian river.


Santa Cruz beach boardwalk on the Ferris Wheel. The only ride I could go on while pregnant!


Aptos. Our last family picture before Samuel arrived.


Samuel's blessing day.


Family pictures during Christmas break in Modesto.


Easter.


A hiking date and Samuel tagged along.


My birthday at the Cabin.


A early morning session at the Provo City Center Temple while visiting my sister in Provo.




Bringhurst family reunion on the Snake River in Idaho.


Our third Summer in Aptos.


Family Pictures while in Utah.





Celebrating our 9th year (a few days late)!

Teaching our children the importance of gender and family

"The philosophy of the world follows Satan: “Do your own thing.” “What’s in it for me?” “If you think it’s right, it’s right.” “If it feels good, do it.” As a result of such thinking, people turn away from God and focus on themselves, doing just what Satan himself wanted to do—setting themselves up as the judges of what is right and wrong and taking to themselves all honor and glory. They treat other people largely as a means to their own gain, their own pleasure. Ultimately, they are miserable—because happiness is the result of becoming like God, not like Satan." A Parent's Guide, a manual published by the LDS church.

A friend told me today about this manual she came across and how there was so much great relevant information about how to teach our children just how important families are. In light of recent happenings in the media that deal with gender and families, I have been thinking a lot about this subject.

How do I teach my children what is right and wrong without alienating others around me who don't believe the same? How do I teach my children the importance of God, faith, gender and families when there are so many other forces and opposition working against me? How can I show my children the same love and acceptance that my Father in Heaven shows me?

I've read through this manual a little now and am astounded at how relevant it still is today. It was published 30 years ago but still speaks to me as a parent as if it was published this year. The above quote really stuck out to me for a few reasons. I am not a shy person when it comes to speaking what I believe to be the truth. I was the editor for my school newspaper, got a degree in Print Journalism from The University of Utah and have always loved writing. I love to write for other people to read, especially when it is a topic I feel passionately about. With that said, I never want to write something that hurts someone else. I never want to treat another human being as though they are less than me just because they are different from me. But I also strongly believe that we must stand up for what we believe in. We must speak the truth even if others don't want to hear it.

I have been taught from a very young age that my (our) whole purpose in living on this earth is to learn and grow and return to a loving Father in Heaven. I came to this earth not only to gain a body, but also to learn everything I need to and gain a family and strive to return to heaven to live with that family forever. If I truly believe that, then how can I quiet my growing anxiety about how this world treats this precious subject?

I don't believe I can.

I believe I must let others know the importance of gender and the importance of the differences between men and women. The beautiful, wonderful differences. I also can't stand by when those difference are dragged through the mud and spit upon. 

Just as the quote states above, Satan is working harder than anyone else to destroy the true image of what a family is supposed to be. He wants us to think that we can chose or change our gender. He wants us to believe that we can have a family with someone of the same gender. He wants us to believe that marriage is not a necessary part of family. He wants us to believe that being a parent isn't an important role and that we can place our careers and own selfish desires before this sacred responsibility.

And you know what, a lot people believe him. And because people believe him, a lot of people suffer. A lot of people suffer with trials and hard ships I can't begin to understand. I don't have all of the answers, but I do know that if we trust in our Heavenly Father's plan for us and follow His commandments, everything else will fall into place. That is not an easy task these days.

I don't diminish the fact that some people truly do feel like they were given the wrong gender or feel attracted to those of the same sex. I can't say to those people, stop feeling the way you feel. That would be like telling myself to stop losing my temper or stop having negative feelings about people around me. I struggle with those things and it is because I am an imperfect person trying to learn how to be perfect. For me, that is what is comes down to. We are all given different trials and hard ships to deal with in this life. It is up to us to deal with them and learn from them and take our Heavenly Fathers example and use the power of His Son's atonement in our life to make up the rest.

None of us can be perfect in this life, but we can try our best. We can try our best to stand up for what we believe and teach others as well. And we can try our best to love everyone unconditionally just like our Father in Heaver and our Savior does.

Happiness is the result of becoming like God. I truly believe that. I can say that I am happy and I know it because I am striving to live like my Heavenly Father would want me to. And that is how I will teach my children. I will teach them how to love themselves and those around them. I will try to always show them compassion and empathy and acceptance. I will strive to teach them that they have an important role in our family, whether male or female. I will teach them that they have an important role in this life and in eternity and that that role cannot be fully realized unless we accept our gender and the important role that it plays in our families. I only hope my children can gain the same love that I do for the gospel of Jesus Christ. In the meantime, I will do everything I can as a mom and a human being to make sure they are set on the right path.

And one of the most important parts of that is making sure they understand how I feel and what I believe to be the truth.

A Parent's Love

I've grown up my whole life learning about the atonement of Jesus Christ, about his sacrifice and his unwavering love for me and for all of us. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on it and know how to utilize it in my life and how to teach my children to use it in theirs. But then something in my life happens and wham, I learn something knew that I never really understood completely before about the atonement. The last year it has happened quite a few times. And although the circumstances are usually tough and it's usually a trial that brings me to be thinking about what the atonement means to me, I am always grateful for the opportunity to learn more about my Savior.

A few days ago I had a very scary dream. It was one of those dreams where you know from the very beginning that it's not real and it never could be because of the crazy things that are happening. I was driving a car but in reality it was probably more like flying a car because I was driving from the top of skyscraper to the top of another skyscraper. Then all of the sudden I am out of the car on the top of this very tall building and my brother and Uncle are standing with me. The building must have been under construction because the whole top floor has plastic around it instead of glass windows, etc. We see some workers inside and they conveniently "zip" the plastic open and let us in the side of the building. We climb in and are safe and then I realize that I left my purse on the top. I go to climb out and get it but my uncle refuses to let me and goes instead. So my brother and I are standing at the unzipped portion of the building looking down hundreds of feet. I don't actually remember seeing the bottom of the street. All of the sudden Hayden is inside the building with us and comes toddling to the edge. Before either of us even realize it he is running out the unzipped plastic and tumbling down the side of the building. I vividly remember watching him fall the first foot and thinking "why did no one grab him? Why wasn't anyone watching him? What is going on?" In my dream it felt as if time stopped and the only thing I could see or hear was Hayden falling farther and farther from me. I could see him hitting things as he went down and was just frozen in horror. I finally realized I had to do something or I would lose him so I somehow managed to get outside and start scaling the building. I caught up with him and grabbed his arm and woke up.

I have never had a dream that woke me up like this one. I sat up in bed so quick and was shaking and crying. It was so real I felt as if I had really just lost my child. I was so distraught and upset all I could do was just sit there. I composed myself and told myself it wasn't real and climbed out of bed and into the kids room. Hayden was soundly sleeping in his crib. I went to him just to make sure he was breathing and everything was ok. I just about fell on the floor and started sobbing right there I was so relieved to see my baby alive. I checked on Afton too because at that point it didn't matter which child the dream was about. I was just so happy to see both of my kids safe and sound.

I closed the door and made my way back down the stairs and into bed. I tried unsuccessfully to get back to sleep and finally woke Chad up and told him about my dream. He of course comforted me and helped me get back to sleep. But the next day and even now, every time I think about that awful dream I just want to run to Hayden and never let him go again. Every time I start to get frustrated at something one of my kids does, I think about that dream and the frustration quickly leaves and is replaced with an overwhelming sense of love for my kids.

I retell all this because as I was falling back to sleep after that awful dream a thought popped into my head. A thought so contrary to how I had been feeling that it could have only come from Heavenly Father. I suddenly thought how hard it must have been for our Father in Heaven to know and see with such clarity his only begotten son suffer through the atonement. He had to watch as his Son willingly gave his own life and was put through such pain and sorrow. No one other than our Heavenly Father knows just how much the Savior suffered. After having that dream, I could understand just a little how he must have felt. And yet, he still let him suffer and die for us. He could have stopped it, he could have done many things differently. But he didn't. Christ wanted to die for us so that all of his brothers and sisters might have the chance to return to our Father in Heaven. And Heavenly Father knew it was the only way. He knew that there must be a way for us to be able to repent of our sins and be forgiven in order to return to live with him. He had come up with this marvelous Plan of Happiness and this was the pivotal part of it.

I have often thought of how Mary felt when Christ was crucified, how that must have tormented her. And now I realize that it was even harder for Heavenly Father.

I am so grateful to be a mother. It is the hardest, most frustrating and draining job I have ever had. Some days I feel like I am making no difference in the world. I feel like I am not helping to spread His gospel or to serve others. And then I remember, I am. I am teaching my children the gospel. I am serving my children.

In a beautiful talk by Jeffery R. Holland entitled, "Because She Is a Mother," he gives us a wonderful reminder:

Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” ¹¹ You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” ¹² And it will make your children whole as well.

 I can't imagine my life without my two children or even the third one on the way. I haven't met that baby here on earth yet but I already know they are meant for and a part of our family. And I rejoice for the other little souls still waiting to join our family. It is my knowledge of the gospel and my role as a mother that gets me through these dark and dreary says we live in. I owe my Heavenly Father and my earthly parents everything I have for molding me into the woman I am today and teaching me how to be a mother. A parent's love is like nothing else.

How to Find Light in the Darkness: Why the Book of Mormon is so important to me

I've been thinking a lot lately about how hard life is. There is a lot of bad in the world and it is becoming harder and harder to decipher the good from the bad. Even things people used to view as blatantly bad are now crossing into gray areas. So how do we do it? How do we raise children in this world and know what to teach them?

What it all comes down to for me is faith. We have to have faith that good will always win. As I type this I realize how corny that sounds, but it's true. It is hard to believe sometimes that things will get better even if they get worse first. But faith is what keeps us going. When we have a hard day and we don't see an end in sight or we are tired from all of our responsibilities or are having financial trouble or any of the other endless trials we go through, it's faith that reminds us to be happy.

But faith doesn't come easy for most. For me, I'll admit it does and I know how truly blessed I am to have that spiritual gift from my Heavenly Father. And although faith comes easily to some, we all must work hard and put in effort to strengthen our faith. Our church leaders tell us until they are blue in the face that we must study our scriptures every day and we must strengthen our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I have always known that and I have always seen a correlation between how well I am doing in strengthening my faith through prayer and scripture study and how I am succeeding in other areas of my life. But recently I have really felt my eyes being opened to how important the little daily things we do to improve our testimonies of God and Christ are to our every day happiness.

I have never been very diligent in studying my scriptures. I have always had the desire and always do good for a few days or even a few weeks but always fall out of a good habit eventually. That's not to say I don't read my scriptures or benefit from my study, I do. I have just always felt I need to do better. The last few months I have been using a study guide written by David J. Ridges entitled "The Book of Mormon made easier." I have seen a drastic change in my studying habits and it has been so helpful.

While reading in First Nephi 13 today I read about a vision the prophet Nephi has of future generations and happenings. One thing that struck me while reading was the part that prophesied about Christopher Columbus discovering the Americas and how from that the pilgrims or Christian immigrants from the "old countries" brought the Bible to America. Nephi goes on to explain why the Book of Mormon is so important:


25 Wherefore, these things (the original writings and teachings of the Bible) go forth from the Jews in purity unto the Gentiles, according to the truth which is in God.

 26 And after they go forth by the hand of the twelve apostles of the Lamb (Christ), from the Jews unto the Gentiles (non-jews), thou seest the formation of that great and abominable church (the church of the devil), which is most abominable above all other churches; for behold, they have taken away from the gospel of the Lamb many parts which are plain and most precious; and also many covenants of the Lord have they taken away.

 

(You may have noticed that covenants are only required to enter the celestial kingdom. Covenants are not required for entrance into terrestrial or telestial glory. This, by taking away priesthood and covenants, Satan has done major damage.)

 

 27 And all this have they done that they might pervert the right ways of the Lord, that they might blind the eyes and harden the hearts of the children of men.

 

 28 Wherefore, thou seest that after the book (the bible) hath gone forth through the hands of the great and abominable church, that there are many plain and precious things taken away from the book, which is the book of the Lamb of God.

 

 29 And after these plain and precious things were taken away it goeth forth unto all the nations of the Gentiles; and after it goeth forth unto all the nations of the Gentiles, yea, even across the many waters which thou hast seen with the Gentiles which have gone forth out of captivity, thou seest—because of the many plain and precious things which have been taken out of the book, which were plain unto the understanding of the children of men, according to the plainness which is in the Lamb of God—because of these things which are taken away out of the gospel of the Lamb, an exceedingly great many do stumble, yea, insomuch that Satan hath great power over them.

(Ignorance of gospel truths and covenants is a terrible disadvantage. This if one of the reasons that the Book of Mormon and modern scriptures are so precious. They restore these "plain and precious things" to us.)

 

I often wonder how to explain to others why the Book of Mormon is so important to me. It's kind of like asking me "why is your right hand so important?" It's just one of those questions that seems so obvious to me that it's hard to answer. Well, here's my feeble attempt at answering that question. The Book of Mormon is so important to me because it is ANOTHER testament of Jesus Christ. I study the Book of Mormon, in addition to the Bible because I believe it will strengthen my faith in Jesus Christ and thereby help me live a better life. I believe that Heavenly Father has given us the answers to all of our questions and concerns and they lie in the scriptures.

 

I love the Bible, especially the New Testament and the opportunity it gives us to learn about Christ and his earthly ministry, but often certain parts of the Bible are hard to read and so dated that it feels hard to connect to sometimes. This doesn't mean it isn't important to me, but I also value what the Book of Mormon holds within it's pages. It holds, unaltered truths from God. We believe that Joseph Smith unburied the original golden plates that the Book of Mormon was written on by the many prophets who's writings make up its pages. He was the first to touch it's pages after Moroni, the last author of the Book of Mormon, buried it in a mountain. Because I believe this to be true, I also believe that the Book of Mormon is from God. I believe He knew that we would need additional guidance in order to strengthen our faith in this life. He knew that some very important truths would be lost or altered from the Bible and that we would need another way to learn these things. In all His wisdom He planned for us to have the Book of Mormon, in addition to the Bible. We are so blessed to have many ways to learn about Christ and his teachings.

 

I finally understand after 26 years of being told over and over, why I need to study (not just read) my scriptures every day. We have access to such an important book that was painstakingly written and preserved for our generation to learn from. It seems rather selfish to me now not to study and read it everyday. I'm still working on it and I am sure it will never come easy to study my scriptures daily, especially with a one year old screaming at me and a four year old who almost never stops talking. But I know how important it is and I make it a priority. I am so grateful for the Book of Mormon and the role it plays in my life.

 

Hayden turned one

Hayden's first birthday came and went at an alarming rate. Where did my newborn baby go? Who is this little baby turning into a toddler?

 

Hayden has always been a good baby. He was so much easier as a newborn than Afton. He got the hang of nursing so fast and went to sleep on his own better than Afton. We still rocked him to sleep for most naps and bedtime up to this point, but it wouldn't take nearly as long as with Afton and he wouldn't wake up 5 times when you laid him down and tried to go out of the room. For the most part, once he fell asleep and was in his crib you were safe to move around. He is a pretty deep sleeper and takes very good naps. Around 9 months he started taking 2 solid naps a day. He still naps twice a day, and sleeps 6-10 hours straight at night. He still wakes up at night at least a few times a week but I nurse him and he goes right back to sleep. I think he mostly wakes up due to teething. I don't mind nursing him at night. I can go back to sleep so easily that it doesn't bother we waking up anymore. And I know he is not ready to stop nursing yet and our day time nursing is becoming sparse and he isn't as interested so the night time feedings are special and I'm not quite ready to cut them out.

During the day, Hayden is always happy. Unless he is having an especially hard day with teething he is always smiling and jabbering these days. The past two days he is finally starting to take a few steps on his own. The first time he did it, I saw this little light go off in his head and he got so excited. It was one of the first times I got sad because he is so big and growing so fast. I can see the little motors in his head starting to spin faster as he learns and grows. He is doing more activities on his own and is getting more independent. He is starting to respond to me when I ask questions. No real words yet, but I can tell he tries to copy what I am saying sometimes.

Although he is getting bigger and more independent, he still loves to cuddle. When he wakes up from a nap is my favorite time. He is so happy and smiley in his crib when I come in to get him and then he lays his head on my shoulder and holds me for a few minutes. It lingers and I can tell both of us know he is getting older and these moments will start to become more sparse. I think we don't give children nearly enough credit when it comes to what they understand. I know that Hayden senses moods and feelings. He expresses his love to me as easily as I express mine to him.

Hayden may love me but he loves Chad just as much if not more. To say he gets excited when Chad comes home from work is an understatement. He gets a huge grin on his face, makes some kind of loud excited noise and crawls to the door. He also loves playing with Chad. Chad will hide behind the couch and Hayden walks quickly back and forth and peeks around the side. Chad will yell and scare him and Hayden will run back the other way squealing with joy.

His favorite food is still bananas. He would eat a banana for every meal if we let him. He is a really good eater too. He eats almost everything. He just recently started liking meat. Up until a few weeks ago I liked to joke that he was a vegetarian because he turned his nose up at most meats. But he loves anything and everything else. He eats pretty much every cooked veggie but broccoli. He especially loves cucumber and homemade pico de gallo. He usually makes a mess so we have given Afton the special chore of floor cleaner after Hayden's meals. It works beautifully. She feels special and I don't have to bend down on the floor!

Hayden and Afton are loving each other more every day. They are starting to play together more and enjoy it. Afton loves to give Hayden hugs and kisses and hold him every opportunity she gets. Hayden used to love it but now he will let her do it for about 5 seconds before he pushes her away or gets annoyed. But I think it's mostly because he is too busy to sit still that long. Afton loves to go into his room when he wakes up from a nap and climb into his crib. I hear them playing and throwing stuffed animals around. They also love playing with the play kitchen in their room together. We rearranged the room a few weeks ago and put it out again and they are obsessed. Hayden always has a play spoon or fork with him wherever he is these days.

While I think Hayden will be more mild mannered than Afton, a little more reserved probably, he still loves to be around people just like Afton. He is not shy at all and will go to anyone most of the time. He is always good with baby sitters. I'm hoping he won't be a crazy destructive boy, but we shall see.

 

It's definitely hard being a mom to two young ones, but it's so rewarding seeing our family age and grow together. Hayden is such a good baby it makes me want to have 5 more! I just love him and sweet little spirit. I am so incredibly blessed to have been given the privilege by my Heavenly Father to be Hayden's mom. I try hard every day to live up to such a big calling.

Natural Child Birth- The way God intended

I read an article recently that talked about how we (women) are losing the capacity to give birth. The content of the article talked about how we are replacing our body's natural oxytocin system and how it functions with artificial oxytocin (Pitocin). This is causing us to "forget" how to give birth as our body and God intended. I'm no scientist and this article was a little involved but I do agree to an extent.

I feel so strongly for Natural Child Birth that I am breaking my own rule and publishing my feelings on a controversial topic. I try not to spout my opinion on social media too often because it can lead to hurt feelings and that is never my intention. My only intention in writing this is to support new mom's, first time moms or anyone who is confused about child birth and how they want to give birth. Even women who have already done it once and want a different approach the second time around (like me!). There is so much information out there and at the same time a lack of information as well. We have moved towards hospital births and sometimes it seems as if this is our only option. To make matters worse, hospitals have strict policies and a lot of the time don't let women know ALL of their options. This makes women think they have to do things a certain way, when they don't.

I strongly advocate for natural child birth, free of any interventions, unless medically necessary of course to save mother or child form harm. I don't feel this way for any other reason than I've done it both ways and the natural way helped me feel like a true woman. I realized the potential I have physically, mentally and spiritually. I think many times when we give into medical doctors views on how we should birth our children, we aren't experiencing all that God wants us to. I often wonder why did God make the act of bringing a child into this world so painful for a mother? Why can't it be simple, not painful, just beautiful?

Here is my answer: Life is hard, life is sometimes painful, life is almost never simple. If you believe as I do, then it makes sense that child birth should also be this way. Life if meant to be hard and we are meant to have trials. I believe that we were sent to this earth to learn from our trials and to get stronger. With that said, we have a lot to learn from the process of child birth. I felt so much stronger, more capable and empowered when I listened to what my body said and then did it. Our bodies are truly miraculous and they can do it all on their own! They don't need Pitocin or even epidurals. I'll admit, thinking about child birth, even when I have done it twice, is overwhelming. Thinking about experiencing that kind of pain again is hard to swallow and accept. But then I remind myself that the positive effects of natural child birth far outweigh the pain. I believe you can't truly experience all that child birth has to offer and teach when you are laying down in a hospital bed unable to move your legs. Again, I can say this because I was given Pitocin and had an epidural with Afton. I speak from experience.

Our bodies go through different stages in child birth and if we aren't carefully paying attention and if we don't know what to look for, we miss out on a lot. With Afton's delivery, I never got to experience a real contraction. Instead, they were much more painful and lasted much longer due to the Pitocin they hooked me up to. Then when my labor was lasting much longer than it should have and I was so tired and exhausted, I finally opted for an epidural. My body couldn't take any more, I was so tired. Again, the Pitocin extended my labor. When I received my epidural, I feel asleep!! I feel asleep for some of the most important moments of my life. Then, when I was finally ready to push, it wasn't because I felt it in my body, it was because the nurse told me it was probably time by how far dilated I was. I missed out on all of the cues my body could have given me naturally and all of the lessons I could have learned. Of course, the last stage of labor wasn't as painful with an epidural and my first moment holding Afton was still beautiful. But I only got a few moments with her before they took her to "clean her up and take measurements". They didn't encourage me to breastfeed or bond. This was something I did on my own because it felt right. I had no one to give me any direction on these confusing first moments. My doctor didn't even get there in time for the birth. My sweet nurse and Chad delivered Afton together.

I knew I wanted to breastfeed but I had no clue how and I was so tired from 23 hours of labor I wasn't in a great state of mind. It was so hard in the hospital and all the lactation specialist did was poke and prod me. She humiliated me and made me feel like a machine. She did nothing to help me understand the importance of breastfeeding. Looking back on it, it's a miracle I breastfed Afton at all. It was painful for the first 3 or 4 months. I had use a nipple shield and every time I tried to not use it, it was so painful I gave in again. Eventually we got the hang of it, but it was after many tears and trials.

I firmly believe that I should not have been "induced" 3 weeks early and that Afton was not meant to come at that time. She still needed more time to grow and develop and that made it even more difficult to breast feed. Babies develop so much in the last few weeks of life inside the womb.

With Hayden, I knew I wanted something different. I researched and I learned how my body worked during pregnancy. I found a birth center with midwives who had attended thousands of births and done it themselves as well. Don't get me wrong, there is definitely a place for men in the child birth field, but how can we expect a man to give us advice on birthing when they have never experience the feelings? That's the problem, we can't. Most men doctors don't advocate for natural child birth because they know nothing about it. Sure, they have read books and know facts, but they don't know what it feels like to give birth or have a contraction. OBGYN's are trained to be doctors to help those women who need medical interventions. They are not trained on how to give birth naturally. This is where midwives come in. They get a bad wrap a lot of the time and I think this is mainly because most of us do not know very much about them. We assume they do hand in hand with hippies and eating organic food. And while that may be true a lot of the time, it's certainly not the whole picture. My midwives were so caring and concerned. They answered every question I had and I never felt rushed at my pre-natal appointments. They made sure I was informed and comfortable with every decision.

When it was time to give birth to Hayden, I felt ready. My midwives had prepared me. With Hayden I felt every step of the birthing process, both painful and beautiful. I know now that my body is slow to go into labor. I was over a week past my "due date" with Hayden and my midwife still helped my body along with breaking my water. This was technically an intervention, but did not impact the natural birth process at all. My body still went into labor on it's own and went through the process naturally. Hayden was so low in the birth canal that it enabled me to make this choice. My total birth was less than 5 1/2 hours from when they broke my water to when Hayden arrived. It was slow at first. When the contractions started, they were manageable. I felt in control, powerful. My midwife helped me understand what my body was doing and what would come next. I had a exercise ball that I sat on when the contractions seemed to get unbearable. My midwife helped me through each contraction and helped me understand the more I relaxed, the easier it would be to get through each contraction. Easier said that done, but it worked! Yes, the final hour and a half of Hayden's birth were the most painful of my life, but I have never felt such a sense of accomplishment. I was never lying in a bed or strapped to machines. I was free to move around and be in a position that helped me to relax. When I even thought about laying down on the bed, I wanted to punch someone. That was not a natural position for me. During the final stretch of labor, pushing, I was in the bathtub on my hands and knees. Again, laying down was not an option for me. When I tried, my body screamed against it and it was almost impossible. My body quite literally told me what to do and how to do it. My midwife supported me the entire time telling me I could do it. To slow down when I needed to and to keep going when I felt like giving up. She was really the only person I focused on the whole time.

When Hayden was born, they laid him on my chest and he looked up at me and opened his eyes. Our eyes connected and I knew he was my son. I knew him before we both came to this earth. It was one of the most sacred and spiritual experiences of my life. Just thinking about it, brings back the sweetness of the experience and helps me know why I will do it again the same way. My body was free of drugs, it wasn't weighed down and tired. Everything happened just as it was supposed to. God gave me this beautiful strong body to bring children into this world and I used it just as He hoped I would. I felt every pain of child birth but I was also able to feel every joyful moment as well because I was in a comfortable, loving environment. It was quiet, peaceful and safe.

We moved to the bed and he nursed right away and he never left my chest for the remainder of our time there other than to lay on the bed next to me occasionally. Chad, Hayden and I all slept on the bed for a few hours and Hayden nursed on and off. The nurse did all of the measuring and gave him his vitamin K shot all from the comfort of our bed and never took Hayden away from me. She gave us our space when we needed it but helped me whenever I asked. I couldn't help but think that the feeling that was in that room for the first few hours after Hayden's birth was probably similar to the feeling in the stable after Christ was born. There was such a sweetness and peacefulness that is hard to replicate. I have only ever had that feeling in the temple. It was something I dearly wish I could always feel. I would endure the pain of childbirth everyday if I had to in order to have that feeling again.

I feel so blessed to have been able to have this experience and hope that all of my future child birth experiences will be the same. My hope to all of you moms out there who are deciding how you want to give birth is this: make an informed decision. Do your own research, ask others about their experiences, ask your hospital their policies and rules. Don't just take your doctors word for it. Also, talk to a midwife if you can. Above all, think about what kind of experience you want and make it happen! It makes a difference, I promise. Listen to your instincts and your body, they will guide you. Above all, rely on God. He will guide you through the pain and help you come out stronger.

Quiet

Hayden was awake at 5:30 with a little cough. He woke me up and I trudged out of bed into the kids room. I pulled Hayden out of his crib and sat down in the rocker to nurse him back to sleep. He has had a dry cough for a couple months off and on and one of the only things that helps is nursing and DoTerra Breathe essential oils. He promptly stopped coughing and fell back asleep. Me? Wide awake. Normally I try and keep my eyes closed and relax so that I can climb back into bed and fall back asleep quickly. A strategy I have mastered over the last year. I feel deeply bad for mom's who are light sleepers. How do you do it? I'm lucky in that way. Chad is a light sleeper and has a much harder time getting the rest he needs with two young kids.

So, it's 5:45 and I am wide awake so I get dressed and go down stairs. It's eerily quiet and dark, nothing a light and my computer screens can't fix. I power on my computer and log onto my work computer. I think again how lucky I am to work from home. It's very hard sometimes and I often feel pulled in many directions but I can't deny that Heavenly Father has had his hand in organizing my life the last few years and helping me appreciate the hard times with the good.

So I work for an hour and can't help but break for a few minutes of quiet reflection before the sun and the other members of my family rise. I don't get this kind of quiet very often. There is something about the pre-morning darkness that is just a different kind of quiet. One where you can hear and feel the spirit of God a little more, don't you think? The business of the world hasn't set in yet and it's quiet for miles around. It makes me that much more grateful for all that I have.

I feel so blessed to be living in this great country and have had so many of the opportunities I've had. And my greatest blessing, to be a mother. The last few days have been hard, especially with Afton. My patience wearing thin, my head hurting from all of the questions and tantrums. I guess all I needed was a few hours of quiet on my own to regroup and realize how much I love my crazy busy life that is hardly ever quiet.

As the kids get older and older, I have been thinking more and more about the fact that this is going by too quick. I want to slow down time and speed it up all at the same time. I guess that is the beauty of life.

This post turned way more philosophical that I meant it to. More than anything I just wanted to record the thoughts of a young mom who was relishing in the quiet. It's funny how your priorities change as you get older. I used to relish in the loud, blaring music of my youth and now all I want it quiet. I'm sure many of us can relate as the world gets louder and louder each day. Have you had your "quiet" for the day?