I read an article recently that talked about how we (women) are losing the capacity to give birth. The content of the article talked about how we are replacing our body's natural oxytocin system and how it functions with artificial oxytocin (Pitocin). This is causing us to "forget" how to give birth as our body and God intended. I'm no scientist and this article was a little involved but I do agree to an extent.
I feel so strongly for Natural Child Birth that I am breaking my own rule and publishing my feelings on a controversial topic. I try not to spout my opinion on social media too often because it can lead to hurt feelings and that is never my intention. My only intention in writing this is to support new mom's, first time moms or anyone who is confused about child birth and how they want to give birth. Even women who have already done it once and want a different approach the second time around (like me!). There is so much information out there and at the same time a lack of information as well. We have moved towards hospital births and sometimes it seems as if this is our only option. To make matters worse, hospitals have strict policies and a lot of the time don't let women know ALL of their options. This makes women think they have to do things a certain way, when they don't.
I strongly advocate for natural child birth, free of any interventions, unless medically necessary of course to save mother or child form harm. I don't feel this way for any other reason than I've done it both ways and the natural way helped me feel like a true woman. I realized the potential I have physically, mentally and spiritually. I think many times when we give into medical doctors views on how we should birth our children, we aren't experiencing all that God wants us to. I often wonder why did God make the act of bringing a child into this world so painful for a mother? Why can't it be simple, not painful, just beautiful?
Here is my answer: Life is hard, life is sometimes painful, life is almost never simple. If you believe as I do, then it makes sense that child birth should also be this way. Life if meant to be hard and we are meant to have trials. I believe that we were sent to this earth to learn from our trials and to get stronger. With that said, we have a lot to learn from the process of child birth. I felt so much stronger, more capable and empowered when I listened to what my body said and then did it. Our bodies are truly miraculous and they can do it all on their own! They don't need Pitocin or even epidurals. I'll admit, thinking about child birth, even when I have done it twice, is overwhelming. Thinking about experiencing that kind of pain again is hard to swallow and accept. But then I remind myself that the positive effects of natural child birth far outweigh the pain. I believe you can't truly experience all that child birth has to offer and teach when you are laying down in a hospital bed unable to move your legs. Again, I can say this because I was given Pitocin and had an epidural with Afton. I speak from experience.
Our bodies go through different stages in child birth and if we aren't carefully paying attention and if we don't know what to look for, we miss out on a lot. With Afton's delivery, I never got to experience a real contraction. Instead, they were much more painful and lasted much longer due to the Pitocin they hooked me up to. Then when my labor was lasting much longer than it should have and I was so tired and exhausted, I finally opted for an epidural. My body couldn't take any more, I was so tired. Again, the Pitocin extended my labor. When I received my epidural, I feel asleep!! I feel asleep for some of the most important moments of my life. Then, when I was finally ready to push, it wasn't because I felt it in my body, it was because the nurse told me it was probably time by how far dilated I was. I missed out on all of the cues my body could have given me naturally and all of the lessons I could have learned. Of course, the last stage of labor wasn't as painful with an epidural and my first moment holding Afton was still beautiful. But I only got a few moments with her before they took her to "clean her up and take measurements". They didn't encourage me to breastfeed or bond. This was something I did on my own because it felt right. I had no one to give me any direction on these confusing first moments. My doctor didn't even get there in time for the birth. My sweet nurse and Chad delivered Afton together.
I knew I wanted to breastfeed but I had no clue how and I was so tired from 23 hours of labor I wasn't in a great state of mind. It was so hard in the hospital and all the lactation specialist did was poke and prod me. She humiliated me and made me feel like a machine. She did nothing to help me understand the importance of breastfeeding. Looking back on it, it's a miracle I breastfed Afton at all. It was painful for the first 3 or 4 months. I had use a nipple shield and every time I tried to not use it, it was so painful I gave in again. Eventually we got the hang of it, but it was after many tears and trials.
I firmly believe that I should not have been "induced" 3 weeks early and that Afton was not meant to come at that time. She still needed more time to grow and develop and that made it even more difficult to breast feed. Babies develop so much in the last few weeks of life inside the womb.
With Hayden, I knew I wanted something different. I researched and I learned how my body worked during pregnancy. I found a birth center with midwives who had attended thousands of births and done it themselves as well. Don't get me wrong, there is definitely a place for men in the child birth field, but how can we expect a man to give us advice on birthing when they have never experience the feelings? That's the problem, we can't. Most men doctors don't advocate for natural child birth because they know nothing about it. Sure, they have read books and know facts, but they don't know what it feels like to give birth or have a contraction. OBGYN's are trained to be doctors to help those women who need medical interventions. They are not trained on how to give birth naturally. This is where midwives come in. They get a bad wrap a lot of the time and I think this is mainly because most of us do not know very much about them. We assume they do hand in hand with hippies and eating organic food. And while that may be true a lot of the time, it's certainly not the whole picture. My midwives were so caring and concerned. They answered every question I had and I never felt rushed at my pre-natal appointments. They made sure I was informed and comfortable with every decision.
When it was time to give birth to Hayden, I felt ready. My midwives had prepared me. With Hayden I felt every step of the birthing process, both painful and beautiful. I know now that my body is slow to go into labor. I was over a week past my "due date" with Hayden and my midwife still helped my body along with breaking my water. This was technically an intervention, but did not impact the natural birth process at all. My body still went into labor on it's own and went through the process naturally. Hayden was so low in the birth canal that it enabled me to make this choice. My total birth was less than 5 1/2 hours from when they broke my water to when Hayden arrived. It was slow at first. When the contractions started, they were manageable. I felt in control, powerful. My midwife helped me understand what my body was doing and what would come next. I had a exercise ball that I sat on when the contractions seemed to get unbearable. My midwife helped me through each contraction and helped me understand the more I relaxed, the easier it would be to get through each contraction. Easier said that done, but it worked! Yes, the final hour and a half of Hayden's birth were the most painful of my life, but I have never felt such a sense of accomplishment. I was never lying in a bed or strapped to machines. I was free to move around and be in a position that helped me to relax. When I even thought about laying down on the bed, I wanted to punch someone. That was not a natural position for me. During the final stretch of labor, pushing, I was in the bathtub on my hands and knees. Again, laying down was not an option for me. When I tried, my body screamed against it and it was almost impossible. My body quite literally told me what to do and how to do it. My midwife supported me the entire time telling me I could do it. To slow down when I needed to and to keep going when I felt like giving up. She was really the only person I focused on the whole time.
When Hayden was born, they laid him on my chest and he looked up at me and opened his eyes. Our eyes connected and I knew he was my son. I knew him before we both came to this earth. It was one of the most sacred and spiritual experiences of my life. Just thinking about it, brings back the sweetness of the experience and helps me know why I will do it again the same way. My body was free of drugs, it wasn't weighed down and tired. Everything happened just as it was supposed to. God gave me this beautiful strong body to bring children into this world and I used it just as He hoped I would. I felt every pain of child birth but I was also able to feel every joyful moment as well because I was in a comfortable, loving environment. It was quiet, peaceful and safe.
We moved to the bed and he nursed right away and he never left my chest for the remainder of our time there other than to lay on the bed next to me occasionally. Chad, Hayden and I all slept on the bed for a few hours and Hayden nursed on and off. The nurse did all of the measuring and gave him his vitamin K shot all from the comfort of our bed and never took Hayden away from me. She gave us our space when we needed it but helped me whenever I asked. I couldn't help but think that the feeling that was in that room for the first few hours after Hayden's birth was probably similar to the feeling in the stable after Christ was born. There was such a sweetness and peacefulness that is hard to replicate. I have only ever had that feeling in the temple. It was something I dearly wish I could always feel. I would endure the pain of childbirth everyday if I had to in order to have that feeling again.
I feel so blessed to have been able to have this experience and hope that all of my future child birth experiences will be the same. My hope to all of you moms out there who are deciding how you want to give birth is this: make an informed decision. Do your own research, ask others about their experiences, ask your hospital their policies and rules. Don't just take your doctors word for it. Also, talk to a midwife if you can. Above all, think about what kind of experience you want and make it happen! It makes a difference, I promise. Listen to your instincts and your body, they will guide you. Above all, rely on God. He will guide you through the pain and help you come out stronger.
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