How to Find Light in the Darkness: Why the Book of Mormon is so important to me

I've been thinking a lot lately about how hard life is. There is a lot of bad in the world and it is becoming harder and harder to decipher the good from the bad. Even things people used to view as blatantly bad are now crossing into gray areas. So how do we do it? How do we raise children in this world and know what to teach them?

What it all comes down to for me is faith. We have to have faith that good will always win. As I type this I realize how corny that sounds, but it's true. It is hard to believe sometimes that things will get better even if they get worse first. But faith is what keeps us going. When we have a hard day and we don't see an end in sight or we are tired from all of our responsibilities or are having financial trouble or any of the other endless trials we go through, it's faith that reminds us to be happy.

But faith doesn't come easy for most. For me, I'll admit it does and I know how truly blessed I am to have that spiritual gift from my Heavenly Father. And although faith comes easily to some, we all must work hard and put in effort to strengthen our faith. Our church leaders tell us until they are blue in the face that we must study our scriptures every day and we must strengthen our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I have always known that and I have always seen a correlation between how well I am doing in strengthening my faith through prayer and scripture study and how I am succeeding in other areas of my life. But recently I have really felt my eyes being opened to how important the little daily things we do to improve our testimonies of God and Christ are to our every day happiness.

I have never been very diligent in studying my scriptures. I have always had the desire and always do good for a few days or even a few weeks but always fall out of a good habit eventually. That's not to say I don't read my scriptures or benefit from my study, I do. I have just always felt I need to do better. The last few months I have been using a study guide written by David J. Ridges entitled "The Book of Mormon made easier." I have seen a drastic change in my studying habits and it has been so helpful.

While reading in First Nephi 13 today I read about a vision the prophet Nephi has of future generations and happenings. One thing that struck me while reading was the part that prophesied about Christopher Columbus discovering the Americas and how from that the pilgrims or Christian immigrants from the "old countries" brought the Bible to America. Nephi goes on to explain why the Book of Mormon is so important:


25 Wherefore, these things (the original writings and teachings of the Bible) go forth from the Jews in purity unto the Gentiles, according to the truth which is in God.

 26 And after they go forth by the hand of the twelve apostles of the Lamb (Christ), from the Jews unto the Gentiles (non-jews), thou seest the formation of that great and abominable church (the church of the devil), which is most abominable above all other churches; for behold, they have taken away from the gospel of the Lamb many parts which are plain and most precious; and also many covenants of the Lord have they taken away.

 

(You may have noticed that covenants are only required to enter the celestial kingdom. Covenants are not required for entrance into terrestrial or telestial glory. This, by taking away priesthood and covenants, Satan has done major damage.)

 

 27 And all this have they done that they might pervert the right ways of the Lord, that they might blind the eyes and harden the hearts of the children of men.

 

 28 Wherefore, thou seest that after the book (the bible) hath gone forth through the hands of the great and abominable church, that there are many plain and precious things taken away from the book, which is the book of the Lamb of God.

 

 29 And after these plain and precious things were taken away it goeth forth unto all the nations of the Gentiles; and after it goeth forth unto all the nations of the Gentiles, yea, even across the many waters which thou hast seen with the Gentiles which have gone forth out of captivity, thou seest—because of the many plain and precious things which have been taken out of the book, which were plain unto the understanding of the children of men, according to the plainness which is in the Lamb of God—because of these things which are taken away out of the gospel of the Lamb, an exceedingly great many do stumble, yea, insomuch that Satan hath great power over them.

(Ignorance of gospel truths and covenants is a terrible disadvantage. This if one of the reasons that the Book of Mormon and modern scriptures are so precious. They restore these "plain and precious things" to us.)

 

I often wonder how to explain to others why the Book of Mormon is so important to me. It's kind of like asking me "why is your right hand so important?" It's just one of those questions that seems so obvious to me that it's hard to answer. Well, here's my feeble attempt at answering that question. The Book of Mormon is so important to me because it is ANOTHER testament of Jesus Christ. I study the Book of Mormon, in addition to the Bible because I believe it will strengthen my faith in Jesus Christ and thereby help me live a better life. I believe that Heavenly Father has given us the answers to all of our questions and concerns and they lie in the scriptures.

 

I love the Bible, especially the New Testament and the opportunity it gives us to learn about Christ and his earthly ministry, but often certain parts of the Bible are hard to read and so dated that it feels hard to connect to sometimes. This doesn't mean it isn't important to me, but I also value what the Book of Mormon holds within it's pages. It holds, unaltered truths from God. We believe that Joseph Smith unburied the original golden plates that the Book of Mormon was written on by the many prophets who's writings make up its pages. He was the first to touch it's pages after Moroni, the last author of the Book of Mormon, buried it in a mountain. Because I believe this to be true, I also believe that the Book of Mormon is from God. I believe He knew that we would need additional guidance in order to strengthen our faith in this life. He knew that some very important truths would be lost or altered from the Bible and that we would need another way to learn these things. In all His wisdom He planned for us to have the Book of Mormon, in addition to the Bible. We are so blessed to have many ways to learn about Christ and his teachings.

 

I finally understand after 26 years of being told over and over, why I need to study (not just read) my scriptures every day. We have access to such an important book that was painstakingly written and preserved for our generation to learn from. It seems rather selfish to me now not to study and read it everyday. I'm still working on it and I am sure it will never come easy to study my scriptures daily, especially with a one year old screaming at me and a four year old who almost never stops talking. But I know how important it is and I make it a priority. I am so grateful for the Book of Mormon and the role it plays in my life.

 

Hayden turned one

Hayden's first birthday came and went at an alarming rate. Where did my newborn baby go? Who is this little baby turning into a toddler?

 

Hayden has always been a good baby. He was so much easier as a newborn than Afton. He got the hang of nursing so fast and went to sleep on his own better than Afton. We still rocked him to sleep for most naps and bedtime up to this point, but it wouldn't take nearly as long as with Afton and he wouldn't wake up 5 times when you laid him down and tried to go out of the room. For the most part, once he fell asleep and was in his crib you were safe to move around. He is a pretty deep sleeper and takes very good naps. Around 9 months he started taking 2 solid naps a day. He still naps twice a day, and sleeps 6-10 hours straight at night. He still wakes up at night at least a few times a week but I nurse him and he goes right back to sleep. I think he mostly wakes up due to teething. I don't mind nursing him at night. I can go back to sleep so easily that it doesn't bother we waking up anymore. And I know he is not ready to stop nursing yet and our day time nursing is becoming sparse and he isn't as interested so the night time feedings are special and I'm not quite ready to cut them out.

During the day, Hayden is always happy. Unless he is having an especially hard day with teething he is always smiling and jabbering these days. The past two days he is finally starting to take a few steps on his own. The first time he did it, I saw this little light go off in his head and he got so excited. It was one of the first times I got sad because he is so big and growing so fast. I can see the little motors in his head starting to spin faster as he learns and grows. He is doing more activities on his own and is getting more independent. He is starting to respond to me when I ask questions. No real words yet, but I can tell he tries to copy what I am saying sometimes.

Although he is getting bigger and more independent, he still loves to cuddle. When he wakes up from a nap is my favorite time. He is so happy and smiley in his crib when I come in to get him and then he lays his head on my shoulder and holds me for a few minutes. It lingers and I can tell both of us know he is getting older and these moments will start to become more sparse. I think we don't give children nearly enough credit when it comes to what they understand. I know that Hayden senses moods and feelings. He expresses his love to me as easily as I express mine to him.

Hayden may love me but he loves Chad just as much if not more. To say he gets excited when Chad comes home from work is an understatement. He gets a huge grin on his face, makes some kind of loud excited noise and crawls to the door. He also loves playing with Chad. Chad will hide behind the couch and Hayden walks quickly back and forth and peeks around the side. Chad will yell and scare him and Hayden will run back the other way squealing with joy.

His favorite food is still bananas. He would eat a banana for every meal if we let him. He is a really good eater too. He eats almost everything. He just recently started liking meat. Up until a few weeks ago I liked to joke that he was a vegetarian because he turned his nose up at most meats. But he loves anything and everything else. He eats pretty much every cooked veggie but broccoli. He especially loves cucumber and homemade pico de gallo. He usually makes a mess so we have given Afton the special chore of floor cleaner after Hayden's meals. It works beautifully. She feels special and I don't have to bend down on the floor!

Hayden and Afton are loving each other more every day. They are starting to play together more and enjoy it. Afton loves to give Hayden hugs and kisses and hold him every opportunity she gets. Hayden used to love it but now he will let her do it for about 5 seconds before he pushes her away or gets annoyed. But I think it's mostly because he is too busy to sit still that long. Afton loves to go into his room when he wakes up from a nap and climb into his crib. I hear them playing and throwing stuffed animals around. They also love playing with the play kitchen in their room together. We rearranged the room a few weeks ago and put it out again and they are obsessed. Hayden always has a play spoon or fork with him wherever he is these days.

While I think Hayden will be more mild mannered than Afton, a little more reserved probably, he still loves to be around people just like Afton. He is not shy at all and will go to anyone most of the time. He is always good with baby sitters. I'm hoping he won't be a crazy destructive boy, but we shall see.

 

It's definitely hard being a mom to two young ones, but it's so rewarding seeing our family age and grow together. Hayden is such a good baby it makes me want to have 5 more! I just love him and sweet little spirit. I am so incredibly blessed to have been given the privilege by my Heavenly Father to be Hayden's mom. I try hard every day to live up to such a big calling.

Natural Child Birth- The way God intended

I read an article recently that talked about how we (women) are losing the capacity to give birth. The content of the article talked about how we are replacing our body's natural oxytocin system and how it functions with artificial oxytocin (Pitocin). This is causing us to "forget" how to give birth as our body and God intended. I'm no scientist and this article was a little involved but I do agree to an extent.

I feel so strongly for Natural Child Birth that I am breaking my own rule and publishing my feelings on a controversial topic. I try not to spout my opinion on social media too often because it can lead to hurt feelings and that is never my intention. My only intention in writing this is to support new mom's, first time moms or anyone who is confused about child birth and how they want to give birth. Even women who have already done it once and want a different approach the second time around (like me!). There is so much information out there and at the same time a lack of information as well. We have moved towards hospital births and sometimes it seems as if this is our only option. To make matters worse, hospitals have strict policies and a lot of the time don't let women know ALL of their options. This makes women think they have to do things a certain way, when they don't.

I strongly advocate for natural child birth, free of any interventions, unless medically necessary of course to save mother or child form harm. I don't feel this way for any other reason than I've done it both ways and the natural way helped me feel like a true woman. I realized the potential I have physically, mentally and spiritually. I think many times when we give into medical doctors views on how we should birth our children, we aren't experiencing all that God wants us to. I often wonder why did God make the act of bringing a child into this world so painful for a mother? Why can't it be simple, not painful, just beautiful?

Here is my answer: Life is hard, life is sometimes painful, life is almost never simple. If you believe as I do, then it makes sense that child birth should also be this way. Life if meant to be hard and we are meant to have trials. I believe that we were sent to this earth to learn from our trials and to get stronger. With that said, we have a lot to learn from the process of child birth. I felt so much stronger, more capable and empowered when I listened to what my body said and then did it. Our bodies are truly miraculous and they can do it all on their own! They don't need Pitocin or even epidurals. I'll admit, thinking about child birth, even when I have done it twice, is overwhelming. Thinking about experiencing that kind of pain again is hard to swallow and accept. But then I remind myself that the positive effects of natural child birth far outweigh the pain. I believe you can't truly experience all that child birth has to offer and teach when you are laying down in a hospital bed unable to move your legs. Again, I can say this because I was given Pitocin and had an epidural with Afton. I speak from experience.

Our bodies go through different stages in child birth and if we aren't carefully paying attention and if we don't know what to look for, we miss out on a lot. With Afton's delivery, I never got to experience a real contraction. Instead, they were much more painful and lasted much longer due to the Pitocin they hooked me up to. Then when my labor was lasting much longer than it should have and I was so tired and exhausted, I finally opted for an epidural. My body couldn't take any more, I was so tired. Again, the Pitocin extended my labor. When I received my epidural, I feel asleep!! I feel asleep for some of the most important moments of my life. Then, when I was finally ready to push, it wasn't because I felt it in my body, it was because the nurse told me it was probably time by how far dilated I was. I missed out on all of the cues my body could have given me naturally and all of the lessons I could have learned. Of course, the last stage of labor wasn't as painful with an epidural and my first moment holding Afton was still beautiful. But I only got a few moments with her before they took her to "clean her up and take measurements". They didn't encourage me to breastfeed or bond. This was something I did on my own because it felt right. I had no one to give me any direction on these confusing first moments. My doctor didn't even get there in time for the birth. My sweet nurse and Chad delivered Afton together.

I knew I wanted to breastfeed but I had no clue how and I was so tired from 23 hours of labor I wasn't in a great state of mind. It was so hard in the hospital and all the lactation specialist did was poke and prod me. She humiliated me and made me feel like a machine. She did nothing to help me understand the importance of breastfeeding. Looking back on it, it's a miracle I breastfed Afton at all. It was painful for the first 3 or 4 months. I had use a nipple shield and every time I tried to not use it, it was so painful I gave in again. Eventually we got the hang of it, but it was after many tears and trials.

I firmly believe that I should not have been "induced" 3 weeks early and that Afton was not meant to come at that time. She still needed more time to grow and develop and that made it even more difficult to breast feed. Babies develop so much in the last few weeks of life inside the womb.

With Hayden, I knew I wanted something different. I researched and I learned how my body worked during pregnancy. I found a birth center with midwives who had attended thousands of births and done it themselves as well. Don't get me wrong, there is definitely a place for men in the child birth field, but how can we expect a man to give us advice on birthing when they have never experience the feelings? That's the problem, we can't. Most men doctors don't advocate for natural child birth because they know nothing about it. Sure, they have read books and know facts, but they don't know what it feels like to give birth or have a contraction. OBGYN's are trained to be doctors to help those women who need medical interventions. They are not trained on how to give birth naturally. This is where midwives come in. They get a bad wrap a lot of the time and I think this is mainly because most of us do not know very much about them. We assume they do hand in hand with hippies and eating organic food. And while that may be true a lot of the time, it's certainly not the whole picture. My midwives were so caring and concerned. They answered every question I had and I never felt rushed at my pre-natal appointments. They made sure I was informed and comfortable with every decision.

When it was time to give birth to Hayden, I felt ready. My midwives had prepared me. With Hayden I felt every step of the birthing process, both painful and beautiful. I know now that my body is slow to go into labor. I was over a week past my "due date" with Hayden and my midwife still helped my body along with breaking my water. This was technically an intervention, but did not impact the natural birth process at all. My body still went into labor on it's own and went through the process naturally. Hayden was so low in the birth canal that it enabled me to make this choice. My total birth was less than 5 1/2 hours from when they broke my water to when Hayden arrived. It was slow at first. When the contractions started, they were manageable. I felt in control, powerful. My midwife helped me understand what my body was doing and what would come next. I had a exercise ball that I sat on when the contractions seemed to get unbearable. My midwife helped me through each contraction and helped me understand the more I relaxed, the easier it would be to get through each contraction. Easier said that done, but it worked! Yes, the final hour and a half of Hayden's birth were the most painful of my life, but I have never felt such a sense of accomplishment. I was never lying in a bed or strapped to machines. I was free to move around and be in a position that helped me to relax. When I even thought about laying down on the bed, I wanted to punch someone. That was not a natural position for me. During the final stretch of labor, pushing, I was in the bathtub on my hands and knees. Again, laying down was not an option for me. When I tried, my body screamed against it and it was almost impossible. My body quite literally told me what to do and how to do it. My midwife supported me the entire time telling me I could do it. To slow down when I needed to and to keep going when I felt like giving up. She was really the only person I focused on the whole time.

When Hayden was born, they laid him on my chest and he looked up at me and opened his eyes. Our eyes connected and I knew he was my son. I knew him before we both came to this earth. It was one of the most sacred and spiritual experiences of my life. Just thinking about it, brings back the sweetness of the experience and helps me know why I will do it again the same way. My body was free of drugs, it wasn't weighed down and tired. Everything happened just as it was supposed to. God gave me this beautiful strong body to bring children into this world and I used it just as He hoped I would. I felt every pain of child birth but I was also able to feel every joyful moment as well because I was in a comfortable, loving environment. It was quiet, peaceful and safe.

We moved to the bed and he nursed right away and he never left my chest for the remainder of our time there other than to lay on the bed next to me occasionally. Chad, Hayden and I all slept on the bed for a few hours and Hayden nursed on and off. The nurse did all of the measuring and gave him his vitamin K shot all from the comfort of our bed and never took Hayden away from me. She gave us our space when we needed it but helped me whenever I asked. I couldn't help but think that the feeling that was in that room for the first few hours after Hayden's birth was probably similar to the feeling in the stable after Christ was born. There was such a sweetness and peacefulness that is hard to replicate. I have only ever had that feeling in the temple. It was something I dearly wish I could always feel. I would endure the pain of childbirth everyday if I had to in order to have that feeling again.

I feel so blessed to have been able to have this experience and hope that all of my future child birth experiences will be the same. My hope to all of you moms out there who are deciding how you want to give birth is this: make an informed decision. Do your own research, ask others about their experiences, ask your hospital their policies and rules. Don't just take your doctors word for it. Also, talk to a midwife if you can. Above all, think about what kind of experience you want and make it happen! It makes a difference, I promise. Listen to your instincts and your body, they will guide you. Above all, rely on God. He will guide you through the pain and help you come out stronger.

Quiet

Hayden was awake at 5:30 with a little cough. He woke me up and I trudged out of bed into the kids room. I pulled Hayden out of his crib and sat down in the rocker to nurse him back to sleep. He has had a dry cough for a couple months off and on and one of the only things that helps is nursing and DoTerra Breathe essential oils. He promptly stopped coughing and fell back asleep. Me? Wide awake. Normally I try and keep my eyes closed and relax so that I can climb back into bed and fall back asleep quickly. A strategy I have mastered over the last year. I feel deeply bad for mom's who are light sleepers. How do you do it? I'm lucky in that way. Chad is a light sleeper and has a much harder time getting the rest he needs with two young kids.

So, it's 5:45 and I am wide awake so I get dressed and go down stairs. It's eerily quiet and dark, nothing a light and my computer screens can't fix. I power on my computer and log onto my work computer. I think again how lucky I am to work from home. It's very hard sometimes and I often feel pulled in many directions but I can't deny that Heavenly Father has had his hand in organizing my life the last few years and helping me appreciate the hard times with the good.

So I work for an hour and can't help but break for a few minutes of quiet reflection before the sun and the other members of my family rise. I don't get this kind of quiet very often. There is something about the pre-morning darkness that is just a different kind of quiet. One where you can hear and feel the spirit of God a little more, don't you think? The business of the world hasn't set in yet and it's quiet for miles around. It makes me that much more grateful for all that I have.

I feel so blessed to be living in this great country and have had so many of the opportunities I've had. And my greatest blessing, to be a mother. The last few days have been hard, especially with Afton. My patience wearing thin, my head hurting from all of the questions and tantrums. I guess all I needed was a few hours of quiet on my own to regroup and realize how much I love my crazy busy life that is hardly ever quiet.

As the kids get older and older, I have been thinking more and more about the fact that this is going by too quick. I want to slow down time and speed it up all at the same time. I guess that is the beauty of life.

This post turned way more philosophical that I meant it to. More than anything I just wanted to record the thoughts of a young mom who was relishing in the quiet. It's funny how your priorities change as you get older. I used to relish in the loud, blaring music of my youth and now all I want it quiet. I'm sure many of us can relate as the world gets louder and louder each day. Have you had your "quiet" for the day?

A day in the life of a stay at home, work from home mom

For the last 2 plus years I been lucky enough to be a stay at home mom and I have also been lucky enough to be able to work from home and supplement Chad's income. We have a wonderful family friend who owns his own business and allows me to do my work from the comfort of my own home while still taking care of my two children.

Now, I made this sound all fluffy and nice right there didn't I? Well, it is... and it isn't. It's wonderful because it's necessary for me to work right now and I really don't want to have to put both of kids in day care. But it's also hard. Extremely hard. There are days when I just don't think I can do it anymore.

But, alas, I have to. So I put one foot in front of the other and continue on. Of course things like faith and patience have helped me get through the bad days. Faith in my Heavenly Father and his love for me. I know that He knows it's hard and He will always send me the help that I need to get through it. I also have developed a patience I never knew possible. I still have moments of weakness when my patience falters and I will not only like a horrible employee but a horrible mother. But I am finding those moments to be less and less.

Ultimately though what gets me through working from home is a routine and being organized.

So here is what my days usually look like.

7-8 am: I dray myself out of bed and nurse Hayden. Ok, sometimes I nurse him in bed to snag a few more moments of sleep. This may seem like a late start but I am NOT a morning person. Then we usually all lay in bed together for a little while before we have to get up and begin another day. The kids play and rough house.

 

 

7:30-8:30 am: Get Afton dressed/ready for pre-school, fix breakfast for everyone, pack lunches and send Chad and Afton out the door for work and pre-school.

8:30-9 am: Hayden and I are usually either finishing our breakfast or cleaning the kitchen. I have a very hard time starting my work day if my kitchen is a mess. Anyone else OCD like that?

9-10 am: I will log onto my work computer from home remotely and start going through the endless emails, etc. Hayden meanwhile will play nicely with his toys (or kitchen utensils) next to me on a good day.

On a bad day, he will stand next to me and scream to be picked up.

Or better yet, crawl under my desk and try to pull the cords out.

 

10 am: Naptime for Hayden and the first quiet time of the day for mom. If my head is in the right place and I am motivated, I will sit right back down at my desk after putting Hayden down for his nap and start working again. Hayden usually takes a pretty good morning nap, 1.5-2 hours. So I can usually pound out 2 hours of work if I'm lucky. There are those days however, when I sit down at my desk and day dream of all of the other things I could be doing: baking, meal prepping, cleaning (yeah I dream of cleaning my toilets, sue me), organizing our house, planning my YW's lesson (I can't forget to do that), pulling out my Jillian Michaels video and sweating little, watching the next episode of the Good Wife while folding the 3 loads of laundry I did yesterday (if I am being completely honest) or more importantly sitting down to study scriptures and have some personal reflection time.

On these days when I day dream of all of these things, it's so much harder to start working again. But in the end, I am an honest person, I can't honestly get my pay check and feel good about it if I don't get in the hours I need to. So I muster up all of my determination, even if it's just a little, and start working again.

11:30-12 pm: Hayden wakes up and demands to be nursed so I take a break from work to snuggle with my little guy. Then I will usually start thinking about lunch for both me and Hayden. Also, Afton gets home from pre-school two days a week at this time so she will also need lunch and attention. If I am lucky I will have gotten in 3 hours of work up until this point. If I am unlucky, 2. Either way, I am done with half my day already and it feels like I just woke up.

12-3 pm: This time of my day always looks different depending on my children's needs and wants. Sometimes I will plug out another 2-3 hours of work if I can get the kids to play nicely with each other or watch a movie or play at the neighbors house. Sometimes, it's all I can do to get in one more hour before the kids are tearing the house apart and screaming at me for attention. I have gotten good and knowing when I can squeeze in a little more work and when I need to stop and give my kids my undivided attention.

3-4 pm: This is usually playtime with the kids/ clean up the house so it doesn't look like a tornado hit it.

4-5 pm: I should hopefully be done with work by this point and switching gears to think about dinner and the rest of the night. Most days, 90% of the time, I try and cook dinner for my family so we don't eat out. It's incredibly hard some days when I am exhausted from my work day to even entertain the idea of cooking. But I am always glad I cooked and fed my family a healthy meal from home. I don't ever regret it. Plus I meal plan for the week so hopefully I should always know what I am cooking already.

 

5-7 pm: It's finally the end of the day. I can relax a little and mark down another few hours of work completed, hopefully. Now it's on to waiting for dad to walk through the door and eating dinner as a family. Just because it is the end of the day though, doesn't mean things necessarily slow down. It seems like we always have a least one things going on every night these days. Between me running twice a week in the evenings with my neighbor, chad going on a bike ride to get in his exercise, pre-school board meetings, mutual for either Chad or I every Wednesday, other church activities such as enrichment for me or missionary splits with Chad, grocery shopping and random errands nights are usually a hectic rush to get somewhere or get something done.

 

7-8:30 pm: Finally it's bedtime! For the kid at least. We spend this time winding down. Baths, teeth brushing, reading books and saying prayers. This is ideally how every night would go. Sometimes though it's simply get your jammies on, say your prayers and get into bed Afton. We are finally at the point with Hayden that he is going to bed pretty consistently by 8:30 as well and goes down easily.

8:30 pm and on: Are you tired from listening to my day? I'm tired from living it and from writing it again. I always have grand ideas of getting so many things done after the kids go to bed. See earlier time slot when I day dreamed about all the things I needed to do. Yeah, I always think that I am going to check off at least 2 or 3 things off my to do list, but the honest truth is that most days I have only enough energy to walk down stairs and plop down on the couch.

This time in our life with young kids and busy schedules is tiring, even exhausting at times. And sure, I complain sometimes. I might wish it was different at times. But then I remember how full our lives are too. We have so many great things to be thankful for and we are involved in so many rewarding endeavors. Not to mention our kids are young and so fun right now. They are constantly making us laugh at the silly things they do. These years do go by so fast and we won't get them back once they are gone. So I am just trying to enjoy the precious little time I have when they want me to hold them and rock them to sleep. I am just trying to enjoy the days when they get so messy from eating new foods that I have to clean them in the bath tub. And I am just trying to enjoy the days when I am so tired, but so happy at the full day that I just had.

Yes, it's hard work being a stay at home mom and a work from home mom all at the same time. But I feel like I am turning into a hard working woman who is going through the refiners fire and coming out on the other end a much stronger and much more loving and patient person. I am learning that our trials do indeed make us stronger and honestly I wouldn't want to change my life right now. If and when I don't need to work from home anymore I am sure I will sit down and think "what do I do now?"

 

 

Journey to a healthier me

Four years ago, after being married for about 2.5 years and just after I graduated college, I weighed around 200 lbs and was very unhappy with the way I felt and looked, not to mention very unhealthy. I was always thin in high school and played sports and ate pretty well. I definitely considered myself healthy.

(Senior Year in High School)

 

 My mom taught us a lot about healthy eating and keeping out bodies healthy through herbal supplements, etc. Then I went away to college and gained the dreaded freshmen 15. There is just something about suddenly being all on your own and making EVERY decision for yourself. Also, the fact that I lived in a dorm and wasn't able to cook any of my own food was a big problem. Fast forward a year and I got married.

 

(On our Honeymoon)

 

 To this day I am not quite sure what triggered my rapid weight gain, but I think it was a combination of birth control, less exercise than my body was used to and not knowing how to feed my body the healthy foods it needed. I had changed a lot over the last few years and my body had as well. I didn't drastically change my eating habits or binge eat but I also was eating out a lot and didn't know what foods were good or bad for me specifically. Also, I think as women our bodies start to change so much at this age in preparation for child birth, etc.

I don't think I had realized just how much weight I had gained until I went to the doctor for a regular check up and she mentioned it, somewhat rudely, and I left the office in tears. My not so healthy lifestyle went on for about 2.5 years. I don't know exactly what I weighed in high school but I am thinking it was around 140-150 lbs. So in a matter of 4 years I gained about 50 lbs. 12-13 lbs a year doesn't seem like much but add those years together and suddenly it is.

 

(At the end of 2007, a few months after being married)

 

(This was Christmas of 2008)

 

(August of 2009)

 

(October of 2009 at my heaviest)

 

 

At 200 lbs I was miserable. I hated the way I looked and was ashamed. I didn't feel comfortable in any clothes I bought and I just felt crappy all the time. Just before I graduated college I decided to try the HCG diet. We were living in Modesto and a friend of mine who I went to church with suggested we do it together. It was a very low calorie, dangerously low in my opinion, diet. It was very restrictive and you were advised not to exercise while on it. I'm assuming this was due to the low calorie part and because it was too dangerous. If I remember correctly, I never ate breakfast other than some liquid. Then for lunch and dinner you were allowed a small piece of lean protein and as many vegetables (but these were limited to only some kinds) as you wanted and a small portion of fruit. I managed to lose about 10-15 pounds in a month or so and was obviously happy with the results. But it was a miserable time. I felt deprived and starved 95% of the time. I was grumpy, moody and still not happy.

 

(In May of 2010, a month after I found out I was pregnant)

 

Then I found out I was pregnant and stopped it right away. Funny enough, I wasn't sure if I was pregnant right away because of the HCG in my system from the diet. I had to wait a few days for it to clear out and take another pregnancy test to make sure it was actually positive.

 

(November 2010, a month before I delivered Afton)

I only gained about 25 lbs with Afton, a reasonable amount for a pregnancy. But I by no means was feeding my body what I should have during that pregnancy and I didn't exercise. I had very low energy and had acid reflux almost every day.

 

(The day Afton was born, December 9th, 2010)

 

Then came Afton. I was back to my heaviest weight again, maybe a little less and was unhappy with the way I felt and looked, again. I had a beautiful new baby and a loving husband to support me but I knew something needed to change.

 

(Probably February of 2011) 

 

I slowly started to learn about eating healthier and started exercising some at home. I came across a raw food diet plan that I was really excited about. The book was what motivated me and really opened my eyed to all the different kinds of foods and ways to prepare them. For the first time in my life I thought about things like eating food raw vs. cooked, what kind of foods my body digested easily and what foods shouldn't be eaten together to maintain optimal digestion. I managed to lose a substantial amount of weight, I'm not really sure how much because I didn't write it down, but more or less what I lost doing HCG. I bet I was down to 180 or so at this point.

 

(One of the first "healthy food pictures I took!"

 

(September 2011. A few months after starting the raw food diet. By this time I really felt I was starting to see some progress.)

 

This diet was much healthier and really taught me some great principles and food ideas that I still pull from today. I quickly realized a raw food diet was not for me and it fizzled out, but I am happy to say this is where I really started to change my views on food and develop a healthy lifestyle. I developed a love for veggies and my love for fruits deepened as well. This was about the time Afton started eating solid foods and it was so exciting for me to know I was nourishing my little one with exactly what her body needed.

 

 

(January 2011. Still making progress.)

 

In April of 2012 we decided to move to Santa Rosa so Chad could finish school. I had been able to maintain the healthy eating habits I developed with the raw food diet and then some. I am sure I continued to lose weight, although very slowly. I am sure I was around 175-170 at this point.

 

(A few months after moving to Santa Rosa at my brothers wedding. I remember feeling so great in this picture!)

 

After we had been in Santa Rosa for a few months, I decided to try veganism for a little while. A friend was doing a 30 day challenge and asked if I wanted to do it with her. I was excited because I had begun to plateau with my weight loss and needed to try something new. I did a lot of research about plant based diets and really became serious about cutting dairy and meat out of my diet. I went back and forth between a completely vegan diet and a vegetarian diet for about 6 months. I did eat some meat here and there but it was pretty limited. And the only dairy I had was cheese and a little butter here and there.

 

(October 2012. Can you tell how HAPPY I look?)

 

Honestly, this was the best I had felt in years. I also took up running about the same time that I started the vegan diet. I started slowly and followed a 5k training regimen. I got to the point where I could run steadily for 10-15 minutes without stopping. I was probably still really slow, running around a 13 or 14 minute mile. But I had made amazing strides. I probably could have improved a lot more than I did looking back now but I was happy with what I accomplished. I managed to get down to 164 lbs by the beginning of 2013.

 

This was the thinnest I had been in probably 6 years. The weight loss was an added bonus, what was so satisfy was that I was happy with who I was and how I was living. I had finally learned how to take care of my body and live a healthy life style. In addition, I was confident that I was taking care of my family in the best way possible. My then two year old was eating healthy foods and more importantly saw her mom happy. She saw a mom who was taking care of her body, treating it like the temple it is. And even more importantly my young daughter was already learning these good habits.

 

(On the left at my heaviest in Oct 2009. Right is me about 4 months pregnant with Hayden in May 2013. It's amazing what a difference four years can bring.)

 

In January we found out I was pregnant with Hayden. I kept up my healthy eating throughout my whole pregnancy and again only gained about 25 lbs. I managed to run for a majority of my pregnancy too. When I hit my third trimester I really didn't exercise much.

 

(October 2013- A few weeks before giving birth to Hayden)

 

 Hayden was born and of course I had a wonderful (insert sarcasm) post baby body. At this point I was exactly 15 lbs heavier than before I had Hayden I was ok with that. For the first time in my life I knew I could lose the weight just maintaining my normal lifestyle. I wasn't looking for the next fad diet or desperately grabbing onto a hope of losing the weight in a few weeks. I knew it would take time and work, hard work. I started running again about 7 weeks after I had Hayden. It had probably been almost 9 months since I had had any regular exercise and I was really out of shape. I don't think I could run for more than a minute on my first run. And it probably only lasted a half mile or so. But it felt good! I could finally run again and my body immediately responded in a positive way.

 

It's been 5 months since Hayden was born and a little over 3 months since I started losing the baby weight and getting my body in shape. I am down 9 pounds and have 6 to go before I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes and am really starting to love my body again. I was happy after having Hayden but of course it's always nice to start feeling like yourself again and be confident in your own skin. I am 100% confident I will lose the rest of the weight I want to. Even if it takes another 3 months, I'm ok with that.

 

(Left was May 2012 just after we had moved to Santa Rosa. May was April 2014, 6 months post partum and probably almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight.)

 

My goal is to go even further. My ideal weight is around 150 lbs and that will be overall goal. Again, I am confident that this is achievable. I know it won't be easy and it will require a lot of time and dedication but this is my life now. I love eating healthy and I love exercising. I can now run 2 miles without stopping and have run those two miles at a 11 min pace consistently. My best time has been a 10.5 min two mile pace. I am planning on running my first 5K in early April and my goal is to get my pace down to 10 min by then. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful friend and running partner who has really helped me to push myself to limits I never thought possible. I call her my own "Jillian Michaels." She is exactly what I needed to take my running to a new level. I still have a long ways to go and much to learn but I am excited. I hope to one day run a half marathon.

 

In the meantime I plan on reaching my goal weight before anymore little Bringhurst's join our family. What's so great is that I know I will never again have to worry about being overweight, unhealthy or unhappy. I know my kids will learn the benefits of a healthy lifestyle and will know how to treat their bodies like a temple. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me an amazing body that does so many wonderful things. I feel empowered to know that I can grow a child, bring him into this world, nourish him and still manage to keep my body healthy along the way. Being a mother is one of my greatest accomplishments and being a daughter of God has allowed me the freedom to be happy and healthy throughout my journey of motherhood and life.

 

(Left is May 2008 and right is 8 months post partum with Hayden, June 2014 and back to my pre-pregnancy weight maybe even a little below. What a difference 6 years can make!)

 

So I wrote this a few months ago and never published it so I thought I would add another update. Hayden is almost 10 1/2 months old. So that means I have been exercising and eating healthy and working on losing weight for about 9 months post delivery. I am happy to report that I have lost 25.5 lbs. So in 6 months time I have lost another 16 pounds. I am now 10 pounds below my pre=pregnancy weight with Hayden. I have also ran a 9.5 minute mile which is a hug accomplishment. It is so nice reading my goals from 6 months ago and realizing I have not only achieved those goals but gone so much farther. I realize I still have farther to go to reach my optimum weight and body, but who doesn't? I think we should always have a goal to be healthier and improve ourselves and that is what makes me so happy about this journey. I don't sign with regret when I step on the scale and haven't lost weight in a few weeks. I have come to realize my body has a pattern of stalling for a few weeks and then all of the sudden dropping a pound or two. But even if I didn't lost anymore weight I can honestly say I am fine with that. I have come to appreciate my curves and my extra weight here and there. It reminds me of my two beautiful children and it also reminds me that I am not working so hard to lose weight and get a "bikini body", I am working so hard to be healthy. And right now, I am healthy!

 

(August 2014)