Love One Another

There has been a lot of frustration, anger, hurt and misunderstanding in our world this last week. I feel deeply and tend to embrace others feelings and hold them into myself. So during weeks of particular unrest, I feel very dragged down and heavy. This is how I felt last week. I really felt like I was carrying the weight of the world at moments.

My heart hurt.

When this happens, I tend to feel overwhelmed with my daily duties of mothering, church service and discipleship. It suddenly feels like there is too much to do, too many people to love and help. Caring to a fault is a burden I bear. This may not always be apparent to others, and I am no means calling myself a Mother Theresa, but it's something I deal with and struggle through.

But I am also so glad for this gift that my Heavenly Father has given me. Because the other part to this gift is that I can pretty easily love others. I work on it daily, but as I get older, it's easier for me to see the good in everyone. It's becoming easier to forgive, to let go and to be happy despite the unhappiness around me at times. And I know without a doubt that this is the Holy Ghost guiding me.

When I start to feel hurt by something someone else does, I try to take a step back and figure out why they are doing what they are doing. What is motivating them? Did they mean to hurt me? The answer is more often than not, "No." The answer I usually receive to my daily prayers of "what should I do Heavenly Father?" is FORGIVE, LOVE.

So with that in mind, I wanted to get some feelings off my chest. I wanted to express some thoughts I have been having.

Unless you have lived under a rock, you know about the Women's Marches that took place all around the world this weekend. News of this event was plastered over every surface of social media, everyone was talking about it and my own city held a sizeable march. Whether you agree with it or not, it was a big deal. Whenever that many people come together, it's news worthy.

I did not march. I don't necessarily understand some of the motives behind what happened. But what I do understand is how to love. So that is where I am coming from with this post.

I'll admit a few times this weekend I was upset about the marching. Frustrated for reasons I won't get into and really, are very silly. But I let other's negative emotions and opinions about the Women's march cloud my head and heart and judgement and I'm ashamed of that. I'm ashamed for the negative thoughts I had about other women. So in an attempt to resolve those feelings within my own heart and make sure they don't make their way back, I was thinking about what I should do. How can I relate to so many women that have very different feelings than I do?

I had another experience today that gave me the answer. I was talking with a woman on the phone today and she told me about an experience she had a few weekends ago. She over heard two woman talking somewhat negatively. They just happened to be talking about her in a roundabout way and while they weren't attacking her personally, what they said still hurt her.

The conversation they had centered around how they preferred to do something on their own and didn't want to give working with a partner a chance. Working with a partner was more time consuming, harder. They had to put more effort into it, learn to work with someone that was potentially a lot different than they are and meld two personalities together. They had to be unified.
It suddenly struck me that I understood how they felt! I didn't necessarily agree with the sentiment they were expressing but I understood. My mind starting racing and I was trying to figure out how I could help the woman I was talking to. How could I help the situation in a positive way and help these women connect?

The conclusion I came to is that we need to be teachable, open to new ideas and friendships. We also need to be open to ideas that we are opposed to. This doesn't mean we have to accept ideas we don't like, just that we should be able to listen to and understand others without malice or frustration.

Alma 12:10 states: "And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word; and he that will not harden his heart, to him is given the greater portion of the word, until is it given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full."

We can't be afraid to do something that challenges us, stretches our abilities, something that is unfamiliar and scary. And to most of us, trying to understand someone else's point of view (that is very different than ours) is scary, not to mention hard. So we tend to take the easy route and say that it's not worth the effort. We tell others to "get over" their emotions because we think they are silly. We isolate ourselves and do it all alone.

Well that is exactly the opposite of what Jesus Christ teaches us. He wants us to love others and we can't do that being alone all the time or drowning in our sorrows or refusing to acknowledge others sorrows or problems.

I can't say I understand much of the sentiment behind the Women's march. I suppose I've been very blessed in that I haven't ever felt slighted as a women. I haven't been made to feel less than the men in my life. I haven't ever been abused, sexually, physically or emotionally. And if I have ever felt this way, my personality type pretty easily let's it go.

Now with that said, let me tell you what I do understand. For many reasons, a lot of people are hurting. Some just want a brighter future for women, but some really have been hurt so badly and they don't know what to do about it.

When I think about my dear friends and relatives who supported and participated this weekend, what I am really thinking about it how much I love and respect each of them. I know many of them very well. They are my friends, family members. They are people that serve right next to me at church, people that I used to go to school with. They are women who are so generous and loving in their service to others. They are women who are amazing mothers and who are trying to teach their daughters (and sons) to respect and love everyone.

And for this reason alone I want to understand them. I want them to know that I love them, even if we have different views. Really, our different views are what makes all women so great.

So what I propose is this, let's stop focusing on our differences. I'm going to try to. I may not ever march or protest because that's not what I feel like doing personally. But what I will do is serve my fellow sisters. I will love and serve Heavenly Father's children just like he has asked me to do. I will do this by visiting, talking to, bringing dinners, babysitting, teaching and showing empathy.

I'll end with a quote from President Monson, "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." Let us all focus more on our relationships and more on loving one another. When we do this, our differences won't seem so insurmountable, in fact they will start to be a blessing to one another.

9 Years

I'm trying to wrap my head around 9 years of marriage with Chad. I started looking through pictures to find one for each year to make a special Anniversary post but of course my nostalgia got the best of me and I've spent way to much time looking through pictures and saving my favorites. So what was supposed to be simple has now turned into a blog post. But the past 9 years have been so wonderful that they deserve something really special. So if you will humor me with a look into our past:

Year 1: 2007- Dating and marriage

Our first year was a whirlwind. We met in our singles ward in Modesto, CA and 2 months later were engaged and 2 months after that were sealed in the Oakland temple for time and all eternity. We moved to Provo right after we were married so I could continue at BYU but then moved up to Salt Lake and I transferred to the University of Utah and Chad started school at Salt Lake Community College. We loved our first few months in Utah together.

Our first photo together.

Our first concert: The Fray.

Chad's family reunion.

Driving to Utah to pick out a ring.

Engagement Photos.

Honeymoon in Hawaii.

2nd Apartment in Salt Lake

1st Christmas Card.

Year 2: 2008- 2nd year in Utah

We were in Utah for this whole year of our marriage. We both worked and went to school and got to know each other better. We moved to a new apartment where we lived the remainder of our stay in Utah. It was small but we loved it so much because it was ours. We had too many jobs to count between the two of us while trying to figure out what we wanted to do and also find jobs that fit with our busy school schedules. We traveled that year back to Modesto to visit our family and also to Idaho twice to visit family there as well. But we spent our second Christmas in Utah and it was the only Christmas since we've been married that we spent by ourselves. It was quaint and special, not a huge deal. Just a small tree, a few gifts and a quiet Christmas at home.

Ringing in the New Year.

Shoshone Falls in Idaho.

Boating when we came home to Modesto to visit.

Our little apartment and in the background is the fish tank Chad built.

Idaho for Thanksgiving.

Decorating our first Christmas Tree.

Christmas Morning.

Visiting Temple Square the day after Christmas.

Year 3: 2009- Utah/California

2009 was spent working and going to school through August. Chad worked for Anderson Engineering as a Land Surveyor and I worked for the Church in the call center for church distribution. We loved our time in Utah but by the summer of this year, both of us were itching to move back to California. So we decided I was almost done with school and I could finish my last class or two online and we decided to move back a little early. We busily spent our summer saying goodbye to our friends and family in Utah. Then in August, my wonderful dad drove all the way to Utah to help us move back to CA. We lived with Chad's parents for a month or two and then found our own apartment and settled in to life in Modesto. Chad worked for his dad for a few months, then a pool company for the reminder of the year. I worked for my Uncle Dave at Duct Testers.

Spring 2009- we spent as much time as we could with my Sister Nichole and brother-in-law Chase at their house in Lehi.

Spending time with Chad's cousins who lived in Utah.

Camping with Chad's cousins- the Terry's.

Fourth of July at Sugarhouse Park.

The Fray Concert (our 2nd) with Nichole and Chase.

Hot August Night's with my dad on our drive back to CA.

When we lived with Chad's parents after we moved back to CA with our first dog Oliver. We bought him just before we moved back.

Our first apartment in Modesto.

At Chad's brother's football game.

Snowmobiling at my Dad's cabin.

At the temple where it all started.

Year 4: 2010- Graduating College and our first baby

This year was spent figuring out what we wanted to do with our lives! There was a lot of transitions and growth and major changes. Chad worked for Cal Pro Pools as a pool technician this whole year and I worked at Duct Tusters until August and then started working for Honey's Air Conditioning the remainder of the year. We lived in the Marina Apartments this whole year. I graduated from College and the weekend we drove to Utah for me to graduate we found out we were pregnant with Afton! We met some dear friends in 8th ward and started to love living in Modesto. We spent much time at the cabin, made trips to the temple often and took a baby moon to Monterey. And in December, our lives were forever changed when we welcomed our first born, sweet Afton into the world. After this year, the pictures of just Chad and I drastically decrease! haha

At our Marina Apartment.

My graduation from the U of U and my first pregnant picture (we didn't know until a few days later.)

At the cabin.

At the temple.

In Monterey on our babymoon.

At the pumpkin patch with the Lee's. Our friends from 8th ward and our neighbors at the Marina Apartments.

I thought I was so clever with this costume.

Afton made her debut 3 weeks early on December 9th, 2010.

So happy to have our baby!

Year 5: 2011- We have no idea what we are doing but life is great!

This was one of our harder years. We had many sweet moments with Afton, such as her blessing day but there were also a lot of tough times too. As we try and juggle learning how to be parent's, the pool company Chad worked for went out of business and I wasn't working. We moved in with Chad's parents in March and shortly after, Chad started working for my dad. We didn't get our own place again until September. But none the less we still enjoyed living so close to our family and Afton was shamelessly spoiled by her grandparents and aunts and uncles. That summer we traveled to Utah and Idaho and spent time with my sister and Chad's family at his family reunion. We spent many weekends at the cabin and quite a bit of time in Monterey too. And before we knew it, our little Afton turned one.

February- Afton's blessing day. In our Marina Apartment. We moved in with Chad's parent's shortly after this.

Afton's first trip to the cabin.

Afton's first trip to Monterey.

Another cabin trip.

A day trip to San Francisco. Man we traveled a lot when we only had 1 kid!

Spending time with my friend Kelly from high school and her husband Alex. We enjoyed living so close to them and spending time together.

Trip to Utah. Spending the night up the canyon with Nichole and Chase.

Riding one of Grandma Bringhursts' motorcycles at the Bringhurst reunion in Rupert, ID.

Monterey with Chad's family.

Another Monterey trip with Chad's mission companion, Mark and his family who just happened to be in 6th ward with us. Small world!

Jake's football game. We are happy to have our own place again! A small little townhouse just off McHenry on Mensinger Ave.

Afton's first Birthday party!

Year 6: 2012- A year of drastic changes

We spent the first few months of 2012 enjoying our privacy in our own home again. Chad worked for my dad and I worked for Honey's Air. I drove around to different cities to pick up permits for them and got to bring Afton with me. It was the perfect job and Afton became quite the little traveler. We prayed a lot and decided we needed to move and make some big changes. Chad was still figuring out what he wanted to do for a living and he decided to go back to school for Land Surveying. He loved it so much when he did in Utah. The nearest program was at Santa Rosa community college two and half hours north of Modesto. So we took a huge leap of faith and moved to Santa Rosa. Faith is what got us through that move and those first few hard months in Santa Rosa. But we knew we had made the right decision despite some hard times.

Our last month in Modesto. Playing at the park.

At Bodega Bay when we were house hunting and getting ready to move to Santa Rosa.

At the bay area children's museum with our good friend's the Lee's who just happened to move to Santa Rosa before we did.

Back to Modesto for a quick visit for my brother Cody's wedding.

Muir Woods. Still one of my favorite places we visited our first year in Santa Rosa.

Our first apartment in Santa Rosa was a total dump but all we could afford. But we loved our life none the less and we had a cute little balcony where Afton loved to play.

A beautiful running path by our house. This is where I fell I love with running.

One of our many day trips to Bodega Bay.

Our first Halloween in Santa Rosa at the Brush Creek Ward Trunk or Treat. We were Zoo Keepers.

Christmas back in Modesto.

Year 7: 2013- Falling in love with Santa Rosa and yet more changes

We got to know our beloved Santa Rosa this year. We made many friends and had so many changes to our little family. We found out we were expecting again early in the year and adjusted to the thought of being a family of four. Chad continued school and changed jobs a few times to accommodate his school schedule. I worked from home. We had to put down our dog Oliver when we found out he was sick. We moved into a much nicer townhouse. We welcomed Hayden into our family in October.

Exploring Santa Rosa.

Another Muir Woods trip.

Bodega Bay.

Visiting a high school friend in the bay area.

Temple date. We always get in as many as we can while I'm pregnant, because they are usually few and far between with a nursing newborn.

Idaho- Bringhurst Family Reunion.

This is still one of my favorite family pictures!

Samuel's blessing day. We are a family of four!


Ending our year with Christmas in Modesto.


Year 8: 2014- Slow and steady wins the race
I feel like the above theme for us in 2014 fits perfectly. This year was about learning patience, long suffering and we truly relied on each other to get through it. Chad realized that the land surveying program he was in wasn't where he was supposed to be and we both attempted to adjust our perspectives. But a new opportunity came into our lives that has forever changed us and sent Chad on his path to finding his life long career. It was a long, grueling time to get his license to sell life insurance but it was so sweet to see him accomplish something so significant. I went back to working at home when Hayden was only a few months old and Afton started preschool. We were always busy and tired and life never seemed to slow down. But we had do many wonderful moments and growth opportunities. We really loved Santa Rosa and had already begun to cultivate so many wonderful friendships. We did plenty of traveling to spend time with our families as usual!

In our backyard of our townhouse on Primavera Way in Rincoln Valley.

After a bike ride.


Afton's first Disneyland trip. Hayden's too but he rode in the stroller the whole time so I'm not really counting it.


Our first beach house trip at Chad's Aunt's beach house in Aptos.

A family picture after church one Sunday.


A day trip to San Fran.


Bike riding on a trail in Marin County.


A day date running on the beach in Monterey while visiting Chad's sister.


Monterey Wharf.


Monterey.


Our favorite date spot: Oakland Temple


Another Sunday, another post church family picture.


Spending time with my Dad when he visited us. No one told me I had raccoon eyes all day!


Thanksgiving in Modesto.


Our announcement photo: We are expecting our third!


Year 9: 2015-2016- Almost a decade
The last year and a half have in some ways been the hardest and most trying of our marriage but also my favorite. We enjoyed the first half of the year as a family of four. Chad thrived in his new career path and loved what he was doing. I worked from home for what would be my last few months until Samuel arrived. We said goodbye to our beloved townhouse and the only ward we had ever been in, Brush Creek and moved all the way across town to the very northern part of Santa Rosa just 8 weeks before Samuel arrived. We adjusted to a new house, a new ward and new neighbors all while unpacking and setting up our new home and getting ready for Sam. It was a hot summer without AC! Welcoming Samuel was one of the sweetest moments our family has had but also took some serious adjustment from all of us. And just after Samuel was born Chad changed jobs! Although this time he only switched companies and not career paths. He started working for Teacher Pension and Insurances Services and has loved it so much. We spent the summer of 2016 traveling all over! We went to the cabin, Utah and Idaho and spent another week at the beloved Aptos beach house. 2016 isn't over but it's been my favorite year with Chad yet. I can honestly say I've never been happier! 



At a New York Life banquet.

Temple Trip.


Armstrong Woods.


Somewhere on the Russian river.


Santa Cruz beach boardwalk on the Ferris Wheel. The only ride I could go on while pregnant!


Aptos. Our last family picture before Samuel arrived.


Samuel's blessing day.


Family pictures during Christmas break in Modesto.


Easter.


A hiking date and Samuel tagged along.


My birthday at the Cabin.


A early morning session at the Provo City Center Temple while visiting my sister in Provo.




Bringhurst family reunion on the Snake River in Idaho.


Our third Summer in Aptos.


Family Pictures while in Utah.





Celebrating our 9th year (a few days late)!